Tuesday, February 02, 2010
“It’s a journey, not a destination.”
“I will never arrive.”
“It‘s not over until I’m dead.”
It sounds so harsh…because it has to. I cannot get soft on myself now. I have come too far. I know for me, it will never be over. I will struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. It is just as much a part of who I am as my green eyes. To deny this fact would be to deny that the sky is blue.
Before I lost the weight I always felt like the “real me”…the thin me…was just hiding inside and all I had to do was let her out. Now, I feel like the person hiding inside is the fat me, poised and waiting to come out again…who IS the “real me”? This is the question that I have yet to answer.
Even though the pain of all the shame, disappointment and self-loathing that I used to feel every day is slowly fading away, I feel like I cannot let myself forget it. Because if I do, I feel like it could all just creep back up and take me over again.
I am not the skinny girl who can eat whatever she wants. I can’t just stop working out. I WILL be what I consistently do… it is as simple as that, and I know it. If I overeat, I will gain weight. If I follow my maintenance plan I will maintain my weight…simple but scary.
I really had to go into this knowing that it wasn’t over once I reached my weight loss goal. It will never be over. I know darn well that I can gain all the weight back just as quickly as I lost it. So I will walk this long road, but I won't have to do it alone, thanks to all of you!
SparkFriends, you help me keep it real! Thank you.