What I am up to
Friday, January 29, 2010
The last two weeks have not been great. Yes I started off the year wonderfully......and then......A very close friend of mine who has been sick quite a bit since last September, finally revealed to me that she has cancer. Stomach cancer no less, stage 3B. She doesn't sleep at night, never has, but that is okay, I don't either. So every night near midnight my phone rings. And we spend the entire night talking. I listen while her pain increases. It is not good. She has been going for radiation five days a week as well as chemo once a week. She has been throwing up blood. She has had nosebleeds. Since she is already paraplegic her nurse comes in many times a day to look after her. She has no family.
I have stayed up and we have talked about many many things, but the question keeps coming up"Do you think I will make it? Do you think I will beat this?" In all honesty I do not think she stands a chance, however I try to stay positive by making jokes and singing to her. I do not lie and tell her she will make it for I cannot know that. Nor do I tell her she won't make it. I simply tell her let's take one day at a time. She shows me her fears and her weakness and vulnerability. I show her love. It is all I have to give her and I do it very willingly.
I do not wish anyone to feel sorry or sad at this blog. I am just simply having to write at the moment. It helps me to put it on paper so to speak.
I got a call this afternoon from her. She was frustrated with the results of her tests. Her heart is taking a wallop with these treatments and the cancer has increased by 2 cm over the previous testing done two weeks ago. Her meds have been changed to hopefully help decrease some of the vomiting. She keeps me informed on what is going on and asks my opinion. I am catching myself saying "we" instead of "you". I only know one thing. I will be there for her as long as she can talk to me and will think about her even when she cannot.
For those of you dealing with any form of cancer or other illness, my heart goes out to you. I admire your strength and your courage. For those of you not having to deal yourself but having a friend with illness, reach out to them any way you can. Do not try to make them feel as if they are less than they are. They are strong courageous people and deserve your love and a shoulder when necessary. Just be there for them. They need to know you love and care about them. They do not wish to be treated differently than they were before they were stricken with illness. Most do not want your pity, but would really appreciate support and understanding.
Blessings to all