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Feeling like a fat person in a thin body

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I have been afraid to go to the store and try on clothes in a new size. Since August, I have lost 35 pounds and haven't needed to buy new clothes because before I had started, I wore a size that I called "a tight 18". So with the first pounds coming off, the 18's started to fit comfortably. Then one day the 18's were so big that I looked atrocious in them. First leap of faith....I reached way to the back of my closet and tried on a former size I've kept, size 16. They fit and I was ecstatic!! I tried on ALL the size 16's but alas, only half of them fit. I guess it was the cut and maker of the pants. So I stayed in the safe 16's until around November when I discovered that the size 16's I was wearing were getting very loose. I then found that I fit in ALL of the size 16's in my closet. I was there, dude!

Well, I've lost about 12 pounds since that happened and now all of the size 16's are very comfortably loose. I had the urge to try on a size 14, but 2 years ago I told myself I was never going to be a size 14 again (I hadn't been that size for 12 years!) and I donated all of my size 14's to charity. This would now mean that I'd have to make the dreaded trip to the store and actually try on size 14's. I can't face that. I haven't bought new clothes in years because every time I'd try, I'd look awful in them, or they wouldn't fit right, and I'd get terribly down about it and go home hating myself.

Fast forward to this past Monday. I was off from work and decided to get the rest of my size 18 clothes out of the cedar closet and donate them to the Vietnam Vets association that was making a pickup the next day. I pulled the basket of clothes out of the closet and checked the sizes to make sure none of the summer clothes were size 16's which I currently wear. I came across a pair of capri pants that were size 14. Hmmmmmmmm, do I dare to try them on?? I actually looked around to see if anyone was watching (Nobody was home jerk that I was!!!) and got up the nerve to try them on.

AND HEY!!! THEY FIT!!! Not only did the zipper go RIGHT up, but they were "loose in the caboose" if you know what I mean!!! I could not believe it. I wore them around the house for about an hour like a little fool and then changed back into my sweat pants. I told my husband about it when he got home and he asked why did I take them off. I told him "Oh, they fit comfortably then because it was morning, but probably by noon time they would have been a little bit more snug because of the normal water weight my body would have put on by then:

My husband said, "Why don't you just OWN IT, Lizz? Admit to yourself that you earned this new size, you've lost 35 pounds and that means you've HAD to have come down several sizes as a result. Learn to trust yourself now and give yourself the some credit for your accomplishment. Bask in it!"

Wow, what he said was more than encouragement to me. It showed me how he has viewed what I've been up to since last August. It showed me his respect for my efforts and the work I put into it all.

When I got to work yesterday, I emailed Dr. Bernie (the company I work for has a Wellness Dept. headed up by a cardiologist) and told him my size 14 story and reported on losing another 5 pounds. It was listening to one of his lunchtime lectures on weight loss that finally reached me and I walked away from it knowing I was done with being overweight. So I email him every 5 pounds and let him know how I'm doing.

What he wrote back to me was so encouraging that I want to share it with you. He wrote:

"Sometimes hard work and commitment are rewarded. I think we can say that about your weight management program. It is not the 5 more pounds you need to lose as much as it is the 35 pounds you lost already that's the success. You need to believe in yourself and your success. You have made a life style change that will pay dividends in both quality and longevity of life. Remember that every day is a challenge to maintain the healthy life style you adopted. You need to be positive and happy with yourself. I am happy for you!! --Dr. Bernie"

Hmmmmm, I need to be happy with myself. Words to live by. So, to this end, I have decided to stop feeling like a fat person in a thin body that can break out at any time and take over me again. I HAVE made a life style change and am going to try my hardest to hold on to it. I copied his email and have posted it to the wall of my cubicle at work and on my fridge and makeup mirror at home. I feel if I read it everyday, it will continue to encourage me.

I hope it does the same for you!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats on the loss! That is wonderful and truly shows all of your hardwork and dedication. Your hubby sounds like a very caring and observant man -- sometimes we need someone else to point out the reality to us. Mine does the same for me...all I see is how far I still have to go but he tells me how far I have come. Maybe someday I will see it as well.

    Thanks for a very motivational blog...I will come back to this one often!

    2928 days ago

    He's right, you deserve to be happy with yourself. It's a HUGE accomplishment what you've done. Look at this way, you didn't think you could fit the 18's, but you did. You didn't think you would fit 16's, but you did. Same for the 14's, they fit NOW, but when they become loose and they will, you will have conquered the dreaded number 14. I have faith in you and if you didn't know it, I'm jumping up and down with my little pom-poms cheering you on.

    Big Hugs and lots of cheering for my dear friend Lizz! emoticon
    2973 days ago
    What a motivating and inspiring blog. I really like the words of encouragement that your husband and doctor also added.

    Change is hard for all of us. Even when we have proof of it in front of our own eyes we still don't want to believe. Embrace the strong, more lean and smaller you. Believe it, Be it!

    2973 days ago
    So true Lizz. I'm so happy for you and proud of you. You possess something inside that I want. I need to not only have a goal of losing weight, but I need goals of helping me keep it off, which I've never been able to do. I need to kill "Big Hoss". That was always my nickname. Everybody liked him, including me. It's time to be "little hoss". I have to find my way though. I have found "little hoss" 4 times now...can I keep him this time? Can I finally kill "Big Hoss"? With friends like you and sparkpeople I'm sure gonna work on it.
    2973 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/28/2010 10:28:52 AM
  • DIANN2911
    2973 days ago
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