4,000-5,499 SparkPoints 4,184

Rejoining the Living

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I logged in just once in the past 60+ days, and that was to update my weigh-in. I've neither blogged nor read others' posts during this time. A friend sent me a new goodie and tried to draw me back amongst our Spark family to no avail. I have been lost in a fog of grief, pain, and lethargy through which I'm trying to battle my way back.

The loss of my father in November was the trigger point for a series of events that have impacted my life to a degree that would not have been had each of these events occurred individually and separated by a period of time. It reads something like that old nursery rhyme where a kingdom was lost for want of a nail, and goes like this:

- Because my father died, I could no longer handle both my house and my job with my post polio being so severe, so I retired early on disability.

- Because my orthopedic surgeon had to fill out disability forms and conduct diagnostic tests, we discovered that my carpal tunnel was so severe that the muscle fibers in my hand were dying and that I needed carpal tunnel release surgery as soon as possible. And that I also had other nerve damage that couldn't be fixed.

- Because of the enormous stress of my father's dying, my daughter (who is multiply handicapped) became very ill in December from what had appeared to be a cold she got in October that wouldn't go away.

- My daughter was no sooner on the road to recovery than I took her place in the sick bed for a few weeks.

- We had tons of support, but the holidays were still very difficult.

- My sister, nephew, and a friend cleaned out Dad's workshop and bedroom while I directed operations for a solid week. It was so hard.

- I had my carpal tunnel surgery last Thursday (January 21), and while the surgery itself isn't that bad, for me the mobility issues are horrendous. My left leg is paralyzed, and my right hand (the one that had the surgery) is the one I need for my cane. I'm not allowed to put any pressure on it yet (and probably wouldn't want to, anyway), so it's difficult even to use my walker. Maneuvering about the house in this awkward fashion is making everything hurt and swell.

So I've had my normally positive attitude disassembled, and am now in the process of rebuilding it. Part of that rebuilding process will involve daily blogging on Spark where I'll do my best to stay positive.

emoticon I am thankful for the following:

- having had the best dad in the world and the memories that go with that.

- my daughter, who is such a blessing and was brought into my life when her biological mother couldn't care for her.

- my sister, who is my sister through adoption, who couldn't stand by me more closely if we were related by blood.

- my cats, who don't need words to understand their humans' pain and who love to cuddle close.

- good health care that enabled my hand to be fixed.

Have a great day, everybody!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am delighted that you are back, Karen! Thank you for the lovely SparkGoodie--it made my day to hear from you again! Having lost my own father 2 short years ago I had a good idea of part of the silence but not about all your physical difficulties. I am so glad you are on the mend and hope that things will smooth out for you for awhile now!

    emoticon Cindy
    2977 days ago
    So glad you made it back! The roads leading forward can only hold better things as you have been through the worst.
    2977 days ago
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