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    LOUISATHELAST   3,341
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What I did right today- Day 97

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Today I...

-went running again. Everything felt great today- I think I'm running at a slightly faster pace than I used to, for reasons unknown to me.

-stayed in my calorie limits (just barely.) Mom, you're just plain not allowed to make schnitzel with homemade noodles anymore.

Other than that, I've been feeling pretty low today. The current political situation has me down and feeling hopeless. Add that to all the news from Haiti, to people sniping at each other even on Facebook, to my brother being increasingly politically radical to the point where we can't seem to have any conversation about politics without arguing, when before we'd never had a fight in our lives...I don't know. I also thought about my relationship that just ended last year- something on the radio brought it back kind of sharply and I was alternating between enraged and heartbroken for a lot of the day.

The buzz of good feeling that carried me through the holidays after I decided to stay in State College another year is fading, and it's being replaced with anxiety about what I'm going to do with myself. I make barely $600 a month at the moment, and I haven't wound up being able to save much of that. I'm not good at budgeting, and I've been trying to pay down some debts. I have to figure out how to get ahead financially- I can't go full time at my current job because there isn't enough work. I can't find another part time job that wouldn't make me want to tear my eyes out (I'm picky, but it's because I know what makes me miserable, and it's constant contact with strangers). I don't want to quit a job I really like to take a chance on a full time job that might suck, and then not have the part time gig to go back to. And I still don't know what to do when I grow up. Please ignore the fact that I'll be 27 years old in a couple of weeks...
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LETELE 1/22/2010 9:10AM

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. The news is depressing - I go through bouts of refusing to watch, listen to, or read anything news-related. I just got to the point where it would piss me off so much that it was affecting my mood and I had to stop. Maybe a few day hiatus from Facebook and the radio will help. That really sucks about your brother - I'd like to say politics shouldn't matter that much, but it's hard to ignore. Maybe you need to call a one week truce so you can both reevaluate if it's worth fighting over.

I can totally relate to your "what am I doing with my life" anxiety. Been there, done that, about a hundred times over. In fact, I was just talking last night to a friend who's about to turn 30 and doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up. It's always difficult leaving a job you like for the unknown...but sometimes you have to do it. On the other hand, if you get to live with your parents for free, maybe you can just pick up some kind of weird part-time job for a little extra cash. Like a personal assistant to some crazy professor (saw a lot of those ads when I lived in Gainesville) or maybe some babysitting, if you like kids - or...freelance tailoring? Can you do that?

Try to just spend the next year thinking of everything you think you might possibly be interested in doing, and research the heck out of it - places to live, too. I got lucky - I've had a few good, but not what I want to be doing, jobs in the last five years and that really helped me to winnow down the field. Sometimes you just have to try things out and see how they fit. Sorry - that's not that helpful, I'm sure you've already thought of all these things. But I am positive you'll figure it out sooner or later!

Comment edited on: 1/22/2010 9:11:03 AM

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