UP and DOWN Moods.....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
So I wish I could say everything in my life right now is: sunshine and roses but, the reality is I don't feel it.
When hubby came home from work today and said: I think I'll give mom a big kiss (fooling around with Wyatt, then he wants to), I felt so loved and happy. I know that sounds really lame and dorky but, I'm just telling the truth.
Then they went downstairs to play and have been there since about 6:00pm and I'm upstairs moping around again.
I am so tired of these constant moods swings of mine, one day I feel good and the next is all downhill again.
I have been taking some "natural" remedies.....OM3 (fish oil) and Maca Powder (which is supposed to help with a variety of things) and I started to feel really good, I've been taking them for about a month now (someone also recommended Vitamin D).
Then this last week, I thought I was getting my monthly cycle and wham....feeling crappy again.
I have severe Endometriosis and have MONTHLY pain with each cycle.
Most recently I have been debating having an appt. with my gyno to talk about a hyst. but, then we would have NO chances of another conception, yes.....that is what I was hoping for since our son was born over 4 years ago.
I just want to curl up in a ball and hide FOREVER.
I was watching the news on Haiti this evening and thought: Tina, why are you so selfish, when all these people have nothing and I know my family is blessed with what we do have?
Why do I allow myself to feel so depressed when in reality I know things (financially) could be better but, they could be so much worse too.
Really.....I feel that I am a good person and have a loving heart and my friends have told me so but, why do I still feel empty and incomplete so often?
Honestly, I don't have any friends here where we live (Edgerton). I have been going back to the gym in town and am supposed to get back into a routine there as well. But when I go, I try desperately to focus on what I'm doing rather than who I'm talking to because, no one there does really talk to me that much. They all pretty much have their group of friends and I'm not one of them. I have tried to chat a little in the past, without success.
So.....if the people that know me say: Tina, you are awesome and thanks for being you, then why do I feel so alone?
Another friend in Stoughton told me I have "high expectations of people" and that everyone is different and let them be them and who they are and not change them, etc.
Example: I have tried numerous times to get "ladies together for a night out". Here I am really being selfish again because, what I really want is the female companionship and getting together to have a fun night.
So when it doesn't happen this way and ladies back out for one reason or another, I get discouraged and doubt myself and say....why does this always happen to me?
Actually I was successful in a "ladies night" last week at the Melting Pot. There were 15 of us all together out to have a good time and honestly, I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time.
Not that my family home makes me miserable but, just that kind of friends getting together to go out sorta night.....laughing and talking! What a great time, I just wish there were more times like that ya know.
I know I've been told people have their own lives Tina and you need to get a hobby or find something to do but, what?
I'm sure I CAN do it but, wanting to do something alone isn't fun to me.
On my FB account I am trying to get a monthly ladies night going so.......
next month, it is roller skating night and I'm really hoping that many ladies show up, if anything else.....to laugh at me falling all over the place.
IT DOES FEEL GREAT TO LAUGH!!!!!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I used to have the same symptoms. Plus, it seemed after each child was born, it became worse. Finally after sitting in a corner crying and rocking over something really trivial, I said enough was enough and went to the dr. He put me on Celexa and I have been taking it ever since (about 8 years). I still feel what I want to feel, but my scary mood swings are gone, my obsessive thoughts are gone and I am much more able to handle crisis when it does come along. I know meds aren't for everyone, but I truly feel it saved my life.
2506 days ago
i hope that you can find some friends on here! i feel pretty close with a few of us on here and i have never even met these people before. its hard to find friends when its all you really want. have you ever tried going to see a therapist? i know i was very reluctant the first time but it helps to just talk to someone that cant judge you and is there to listen to whatever you say....even if its just to bitch! may i recommend a few things? first off if you are going to take vit. d which i think is a really good idea especially this time of year when there is no possible way to get enough from the sun....but make sure when you buy some to read the label and get vit. d 3. this is the best kind for depression. also maybe just focus on one friend at a time. you said there were 15 of you! holy crap! at our age i dont think you can expect to have more than 2 or 3 good friends. the last and final thing is to make sure you are open and honest. if someone doesnt respect that then they are not a good friend to you, and lastly you are a great person from what i can see so quit beating yourself up! let your husband know that when he does those things it really makes you feel good! maybe go out and buy a new outfit, put on some makeup and plan a date night with your hubby! it will make you feel like a hundred bucks and that is where you really need to start your happiness is with god, family, and then friends. good luck! and remember that blogging is great place to just let it all out! and if only i lived close to you i would come and go skating....but i am in central wi...probably a little to far away!
2506 days ago
I would also love to go rollerskating with you! I understand the need for female companionship. I started a book club about a year ago, and everyone was really gung ho about it at first, while I was hosting it. When it was time to rotate it to other people hosting, funny how people dropped like flies. In fact, no one stepped up to host it in January, and two people have asked me "What happened to book club?" I can be stubborn so I told them that someone else would need to step up to host, as I am always the "stand-by" host if no one else does it. Not this time!
Oops, sorry, I think I got a little crabby there! I understand moods, too!
So please keep me in mind for roller skating. Where is there a place to do that? I live in Fitchburg so not too far from Stoughton.
2507 days ago
I will totally go roller skating with you! I'm not on Facebook, so just give me the details when it comes around.
2507 days ago
Cajunanny hit the nail on the head.....I too am going to take some of her suggestions. When it gets warm out again we sparkmadison folks will resume getting together for walks and you may have noticed a few of is are going rock climbing tomorrow. Please feel free to join in!
2507 days ago
I hate emotional rollercoaster rides.
I have a very good friend whom I adore and love spending time with. She actually plans slumber parties once a month and every month it is a struggle for her to get participation. I have yet to go and boy would I love to. I guess the point I am trying to make is that, I would love a ladies night out, but life gets in my way.
I finally joined a women's networking group about a year ago - I didn't know a soul. This was the best thing I could do. The group meets every month on the 3rd Thursday in the evening - we now have about 250 members but at the most 15 show up - but that's ok.
Maybe set a night, like the third Thursday, set a place - send a rsvp and you be there. I remember one night, I went get a book out of my car cause no one was there - I enjoyed it because I was where I was supposed to be at that time. Does that make sense?
I guess what I am trying to say is enjoy where you are at that time. Count on you first and the rest will follow (or not). Give it some time.
2508 days ago
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