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Just another day
Monday, January 18, 2010
Ok heck at this moment cant think of anything to write give me a minute I'm sure something will come to mind my mind is so blank this morning. Did my walking yesterday thats a good thing we went to an RV show and walked around had a good time. This is just going nowhere thats sort of how I feel about my weight loss process at this time I have been at the same weight range for about 6 months now it doesnt go down the one good thing is it also doesnt go up it just doesnt go anywhere. When i try to make changes in one area its like I cant maintain the changes I made in the other areas of my life it sometimes feels like Im just to old to make the changes I want to make and sometimes it just seems like what the heck difference does it make Im old Ive been fat most of my adult life so maybe I should just be happy where I am. I know that as long as I am alive I can make changes but at times like now I have trouble figuring out what the point is . Im not given up and will try to stay the course because Im not sure that I know how to stop thinking about the whole weight issue. Its permently in my head has been since I was a teenager when I was first put on a diet.
Ok how does one stop blaming others for things that I am now only responsible for . I know that I am the only person who can put food into this old body no one else can make me eat. But I find myself blaming my Mom who first made food an issue in my life. I actually remember thinking that I would show her if she thought I was fat then she could just hung around I could get a lot worse and I did. My husband who loves me and I know that but who would like to have a skinner wife who could do things with him. Not sit in the car and what i showed him too I got fatter. Every person who has every said I should lose weight I should all of them. Especially I showed me that no one could control my weight even me. How dumb is that. Ive hand this stupid obsession to my children what a great gift My son is also obese he is a big man 6'4" and about 350 he use to be about 500 but has managed to lose a lot of weight. My daughter watches her weight all the time so she doesnt become me more kids what I have saddled them with just doesnt seem fair but of course no one told me life was fair.
ok guess thats just enough for today maybe I can think about this and see wear I can get my head I know change is possiable just not sure how to keep from fallen back into old ways at some point one would think new habits would be more ingrained then old ones and it would get easier but when do I get to stop fighting me?
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Becky. I know what you mean hon, about sometimes feeling too old and too resigned--or complaisant--or sometimes just too darn hopeless to even feel we can change. I get to feeling that way too. Sometimes I feel like I must be unlike anyone else in the world because I can't seem to "make it work" like other people have. Sometimes I feel like just saying well, what the heck and who really cares, I've been fat for 54 years and I've never known what it's like to be thin. To wear pretty, stylish clothes, to wear heels, to run, to do so many things that the average thinner person takes for granted. Heck, I'm fatter than even most fat people...even there I feel an outsider sometimes.
All these thoughts happen to me sometime---and probably to lots of other people too. The reality is we are not alone, we are not the only people in the world who feel this way. We're not the only ones who battle these same demons. The demons of hopelessness, despair, resignation, and depression. And they are demons, Becky, because they get inside us and try to throttle every hope and dream we have.
The best way to fight them is to be aware of them and to not let them win. Fight them with facts. And the facts are well documented. People way fatter--and some older--than us have lost weight. You know it--you've seen probably as many "before and after" pictures as I have, so you know it's true. And if you read their success stories you'll soon notice a common thread...they never gave up. Never. Yes, they had bad days, maybe weeks, months, stalls, plateaus, weight gains....but they kept on. And on. And on till they reached their dream. Its been done Becky.
WE CAN DO IT TOO!
You know I've stumbled a lot. Been AWOL for months at a time. But even so, I came back because I'm not willing to just lay down and accept this fate. I'm not willing to give up my dream, and truly, I'm too stubborn to let this thing defeat me. I'll bet you are too! Your mother was wrong to make food an issue in your life, and it's something you won't forget but you have to find a way to not let it ruin your life, because all that was in the past and YOU are in charge now. Only you.
Forget past mistakes too. Forgive yourself Becky. Live for today--and for tomorrow.
We're not dead yet my dear, and we CAN and WILL lose this weight!!
I'm sorry I rattled on and on this way Becky, but your blog really touched a nerve with me and I just want you to know I do "get it" and feel for you. I know you've stuck it out and have been coming here to SP non stop, so I'm just really talking about please don't give up on your weight-loss dreams.
2345 days ago
Comment edited on: 1/23/2010 11:49:00 PM
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