Monday, January 18, 2010
Ok heck at this moment cant think of anything to write give me a minute I'm sure something will come to mind my mind is so blank this morning. Did my walking yesterday thats a good thing we went to an RV show and walked around had a good time. This is just going nowhere thats sort of how I feel about my weight loss process at this time I have been at the same weight range for about 6 months now it doesnt go down the one good thing is it also doesnt go up it just doesnt go anywhere. When i try to make changes in one area its like I cant maintain the changes I made in the other areas of my life it sometimes feels like Im just to old to make the changes I want to make and sometimes it just seems like what the heck difference does it make Im old Ive been fat most of my adult life so maybe I should just be happy where I am. I know that as long as I am alive I can make changes but at times like now I have trouble figuring out what the point is . Im not given up and will try to stay the course because Im not sure that I know how to stop thinking about the whole weight issue. Its permently in my head has been since I was a teenager when I was first put on a diet.
Ok how does one stop blaming others for things that I am now only responsible for . I know that I am the only person who can put food into this old body no one else can make me eat. But I find myself blaming my Mom who first made food an issue in my life. I actually remember thinking that I would show her if she thought I was fat then she could just hung around I could get a lot worse and I did. My husband who loves me and I know that but who would like to have a skinner wife who could do things with him. Not sit in the car and what i showed him too I got fatter. Every person who has every said I should lose weight I should all of them. Especially I showed me that no one could control my weight even me. How dumb is that. Ive hand this stupid obsession to my children what a great gift My son is also obese he is a big man 6'4" and about 350 he use to be about 500 but has managed to lose a lot of weight. My daughter watches her weight all the time so she doesnt become me more kids what I have saddled them with just doesnt seem fair but of course no one told me life was fair.
ok guess thats just enough for today maybe I can think about this and see wear I can get my head I know change is possiable just not sure how to keep from fallen back into old ways at some point one would think new habits would be more ingrained then old ones and it would get easier but when do I get to stop fighting me?