Sunday, January 17, 2010
Well I have been at it a full week now. I had set my cal. goal at 1800 this week because I didn't what to go from eating everything in site to eating 1300 cal. Next week (starting tomorrow) I will try for less than 1600. And I made my workout goal, to workout at least twice. I only did twice but at least I made the goal. This week my goal is to workout three times. It is so hard to get off the couch and workout. I just want to love and kiss and hug my baby girl all day. After work I come home and just hold her for hours. I miss her so much when I am at work I can't imagine what it is going to be like when she is gone. At least at work I know I am going home at 3:15 and I can see her. When she is gone I don't know when I will see her again. I find comfort in the fact that I will see her but only God knows how long I will have to wait. I just know I can't keep doing what I was doing before or I will be over 200lbs in no time. I am tired of my clothes not fitting me. Being uncomfortable is just one more thing to upset me and I don't need that right now. I always saw myself as being a fit active mom and doing those mommy workouts with the baby. Now I am here and I don't want to move. I can't workout with Lilly because she doesn't have the muscle tone to be moved like that. I wish it were warm out so we could go for walks. I pray she gets to see a nice sunny summer day, and go for a ride in the stroller. I just thought this would be so easy because I stayed active during my pregnancy. My goal was to be within five pounds of my pre-preg. weight by the new year and instead I am the biggest I have ever been. People tell me no to worry and no one cares and everyone understands. But that is not what I want. I don't want to use her as an excuse to be unhealthy. It will be hard enough to deal with losing her I don't need to add the stress of being overweight and unhealthy to the mix. Not to mention the fact that we will want to have a baby again. I am not going to get pregnant at this weight, NO WAY. I just have to make time for me as hard as that is right now I need to do it. Here's to another week, I pray this gets easier.