Sunday, January 17, 2010
Calm down... It's just a picture on my daughter's bedroom wall. My gorgeous little daughter who is actually old enough to have a Jo-Bro poster plastered on her wall. She will be Twelve in May. That was the last time I was "thin".
I was very fit and active during that pregnancy, and it was only natural to continue with my healthy ways after she was born. I looked great, and I felt great. So what happened? Life happened, and a lot of it.
I had two more babies, and I buried both of my parents. My dad died, and then my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia a mere 9 months later. Within 6 months, she was gone too. I was busy taking care of her and not that interested taking care of myself. I went back to school and got my nursing degree. With that and a young family, I've been busy.
So the years have gotten away from me. Eleven of them, to be exact. I still have a pair of shorts from then that I bought on sale at the end of summer. They have their tags attached, because I have never been that size since. I have held on to them, though, waiting for the day i could wear them. Why have I waited so long? While the last decade has been a good one for me, with personal accomplishments and watching my kids grow, these things have always been tainted with displeasure about my weight. I gave a speech at my nursing graduation and can't bear to look at the pictures. I was the biggest one there.
I am DONE with the waiting. I'm done with the regrets. And I'm done finding fault in myself because this is the one thing I haven't been able to overcome.