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It got worse

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Well hubby walked out on me and the girls... All I can say is I am very lost and broken and feeling like a failure. My youngest daughter and I over heard him on the phone with another women. (he thought we were out of the house). It was awful. I am just really torn apart and most days feel like I can hardly breathe or stand. The tears just keep coming on and and off and I am overwhelmed and not even sure how I am going to get through financially and emotionally. I am trying to be strong for my girls, but it is difficult. I know they need me and I will do my very best to shield them from my brokeness. yes they do see my crying. Maybe one day those tears will go away. I wish I could control the tears. Some say it gets easier, I really don't see anything getting easier, only harder...... I really have no clue how some women stay so strong.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry for you... I will add you and your family to my prayers. My SP friend KATAKITOMOTSIN told me to look you up. I'm glad I did! Hang in there. You are so much stronger than you think! God bless!
    2447 days ago
    My Dear Sunshine,
    I can't begin to tell you how deep my understanding and feelings go for you right now.

    Honey, I have been there too. Be strong. (Thats why I changed my name to Ka- Taki-tomotsin, which means be strong in blackfoot). I went thru it at about the same age as you. Im nearly 70 now...and the best things I can say to you, are get help from a really good counselor. I had one for $5.00 per session thru Family Services. It really helped. It was so hard on my girls too, but they made it through and two of the three are much stonger from what they learned by it.

    Sunshine I really like what Crickett wrote. I would like to add to it by saying, "AND THIS TO WILL PASS" and "GOD NEVER GIVES US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE". You are a strong woman, this is not your fault I am willing to say. Men go thru menopause just like women, and there lives at 40ish are not very secure sometimes. Especially with him loosing his job. STAY STRONG! NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE YOUR HAPPINESS AWAY. HOW YOU FEEL IS UP TO YOU. IF YOU HAVE TO, GET MAD!

    All my love and prayers are with you. Please feel free to email me anythime. I am here for you.

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    2449 days ago
    I can't add anything new to the comments of the other Sparkers. Yes, he is making bad choices and Yes, you are a great, mature mom and woman. These words to a kids' song describe both you and your girls:
    "I think you’re wonderful. I think you’re marvelous.
    I think you’re beautiful, and magical and filled with curiosity…. and dreams."
    Best of luck for the challenging road ahead. Write anytime if you need to vent,
    2449 days ago
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    Im sorry This has happened to you.
    Not sure i can offer any advice though.
    You can do this and You will be a Stronger person in the end.

    *~*~ Big HUGS *~*~
    2450 days ago
    sorry double posted
    2450 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/14/2010 12:33:15 PM
    terribly sorry. I was wondergin why you were not posting. I cannot say anything I am sure that will help you get through this. Is your family around for support. Please take care and share with us so we can support you. emoticon
    2450 days ago
    You will survive this , my daughter went through the same thing, she had been married less than 2 years with a 1 year old baby, he left for another woman, she was devastated, but she got through it, she had myself and her father for support, she was not working, and had only ever worked part time, he wanted her to be home, then he wanted her to have a baby,when she was about 4 months pregnant he telephoned her to say he did not love her anymore, and he left 2 times before the final break-up. then he left for good, she was 21 years old. Now, she owns her own hair salon, is engaged to be married and my grandson is just the bees knees, I know you have been married longer, but you will survive, my heart goes out to you, talk to someone, parents, close friend, church, crying is allowed it bathes your heart and soul. Take care of yourself and your girls. Things will get better. emoticon
    2451 days ago
    i am so, so sorry to hear about this. i am hoping and praying the best for you and your children. you do not deserve to be treated like this and i'm sure that God has a better plan in store for you. stay strong and know you that you are loved and your sp friends are all here to support you! emoticon emoticon
    2451 days ago
    Hi, praying for you. My friend went through the same thing thirteen years ago. She found a wonderful Christian Lawyer. It took her many years, some on disability, to get herself together and now she has a good job and her girls are fine. Do get a lawyer. Your husband is not thinking straight and you want to know, if there is a payout that you will have you and your children looked after. Legally payments can be taken right from his paycheck. I think you're right in that this is the easy way for him... no responsibilities. Keep a journal of what he is doing. If there is hope for the two of you Sue Johnson is an incredible couplestherapist and has written several books. However it only works if both people want to try and make it work. In the meantime breath. Drink water. Drink green tea. Walk. Find a good friend to hug you. Cry all you need to. I'm sure you have had some really good years. Those are yours. No one can take them from you. The future is unknown but can never happen unless we get through today.
    2451 days ago
    I am so sorry
    no words fit
    Brooke is right...
    There is only 1 man you can count on

    2451 days ago
    I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I went through a divorce with two children in the last 2 years. It is very hard and emotionally draining. The good news is that is does get better just take it one day at a time. One way I was able to keep it together for my children was to journal after they went to bed or before they awoke. I would write whatever I felt and would release all of the emotion I had restrained throughout the day. I have one other bit of advice...keep reassuring the kids that it is not about them that it is about you and your husband and please try to keep the heated conversations away from them. Those children are a little piece of both of you and even though they may be angry with one or both of you now, they still love you both and need the love and support you both offer. Most of all...respect yourself and find that inner have it in you. You will get through day at a time.
    2451 days ago
    I'm very sorry. I went through something similar and lets just say well....I took the time I needed to put myself back together. Everyday 10 minutes of silence. In a room or favorite part of my house. I would sit there and practice my breathing. Making sure that I breathed in and out. Because after all I was going through I would forget to breath sometimes or at least that's what it felt like. The tears came and went whenever they wanted to and the memories well were always there. Although it occurred to me one day, if I allow myself to be nothing and if I honestly believed I was nothing than that's what I was. Therefore my advice to you is to remember that you are someone worth loving, you are a Mom with the biggest heart. You are someone who must take time to yourself until this cloud moves over. Stretch and workout as you would normally, it will help with the stress. Keep an open mind and remember God loves you! emoticon
    2451 days ago
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    I have just sent you a Spark mail message. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong for your daughters---this can be difficult for you at this time---but they will respect you so much as a result. Always know you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!!

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    2451 days ago
    I am so sorry that things are not going well for you. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better. Stay strong for your girls and know that you have a lot of support here on Sparkpeople. I am online often, so if you need to chat, I will probably be online or drop me an email.
    2451 days ago
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