Tuesday, January 12, 2010
What I didn't get a chance to say in the vblog is that I began crying during class. As I was struggling to even sit my very large po (german word for buttocks) on that tiny little bike seat, and it hurt. I hurt. I felt weak. I saw what looked like professional trainers for the Hood to Coast of the Seattle to Portland bike ride in the class. All I could do is fight for myself - to imagine being better than I am. I have the right. I own the pleasures of life too. They aren't reserved for the fit and firm - I am the fit and firm - if I keep peddling. I whispered a thankful prayer that the lights were out and that it was perfectly ok to grunt. I had never blown my nose on my own sleeve before tonight but I did that too - so I could breath. And the breath felt sooo free - !
I got a chance to thank the teacher for being there. I was so grateful for her and for sparkpeople who are always pushing us to try new things. At the beginning i was too scared of my ability to stand and pedal but by the end, I was right there with them. Certainly not as hard of resistance, but I was pedaling. And I finished the class. ANd I told her that I was DONE being fat - and got a little emotional and she said, well, it's a new year's resolution and i said, no. I had a breakthrough during the class and she said "you felt the strength to continue!" and I said, yep. She got it and that made it even more powerful for me.
Find the strength. Be thankful for spinning instructors who kick your butt, friends whoh keep you accountable and remember who you really are.