I haven’t posted a blog in a long time – it’s not really my thing – but I feel compelled to write, and I want to share what has happened.
I am overwhelmed by my emotions. I’m stunned, angry, devastated, and confused. It's been a few days, but these feelings continue to build, so I figured I’d better write about it. I decided to put this in blog form to better share it. So here I am, trying to work it out in my mind.
Another senseless death and I can't find any reason in it. I know many of you will want to comment below about taking comfort in God’s Plan, and having faith, and we’ll meet again in Heaven, and so forth, but I know all that! Honestly, I don’t need to be reminded.
I hope you can hang with me through this long explanation!
My son died saving a half-grown kitten that belonged to a neighbor of his, a 16-year-old girl he had befriended along with most of the kids and families on his street. The girl's parents – who are known as standoffish, emotionally volatile, and basically "weird" – had not helped the stranded kitty, and admitted preventing their daughter from acting as well.
That's why it was thought the kitten was a stray, and why – after two days – several of the neighbors took action themselves, which is how Scott got involved. If Scott had known it was Corban's kitten, I’m sure he would have done exactly the same as he did, so it wouldn't have made a difference in HIS outcome - I know that for sure.
However, learning after the fact how irresponsibly HER parents had acted... That's been hard. Oh, they had their reasons, why they were too busy… Corban’s mother wrote me a letter the day after Scott fell to his death, "explaining" their side, but she never accepted any responsibility, or even apologized.
On the first anniversary of Scott’s death – see my last blog – I went to Scott's to be with the neighbors to whom he was closest. When I arrived, I impulsively went across the street to see THEM. I wanted to see the cat, and meet the girl; I wanted to face my anger towards her parents. It was actually a positive and healing experience, but not important here.
I was on the porch, talking to her parents and cuddling the now-grown cat, when Corban finished getting ready, and came outside in a rush to leave. When I was introduced, I thought she was going to turn and run away... she froze, and then lowered her head and said, crying, "I'm sorry" over and over again. She said, "Please forgive me."
I put my arms around her and said, "There's nothing to forgive, you didn't do anything wrong. I NEVER blamed you, and Scott wouldn't blame you either." She completely broke down in my arms and sobbed for a long time. I left hoping she would feel the relief-from-guilt she so obviously needed, and rightly deserved.
If you had asked me beforehand what I planned to say when I went over there, I couldn't have told you... but I was SO glad I talked to Corban that day! I didn't spend more time with her, but at Christmas I gave her the last DVD I had of Scott's memorial video, and I always sent my regards through Scott’s upstairs neighbors.
This was the tree outside Corban's house when Scott died:
And now I'm finally getting to the purpose of this post:
Corban was killed by a drunk driver.
WHY? WHY?? WHY??? She was just getting started... Finally free from her parents' craziness – they gave her moving boxes for her 18th birthday – she was living with her boyfriend's grandma and felt like part of a REAL family for the first time in her life.
Didn't Scott already die, to help her? Why did SHE have to die too? I can’t make any sense of it! Waiting at a red light after a fun night out with her sweetheart, and in a split second, a drunk driver changes everything… I'm SO angry!!! I'm so angry.
For those who pray, please keep Corban’s boyfriend – who walked away with minor injuries – in your prayers as he faces this tremendous loss; and for his family, who took her in as their own. Also, please think of Corban’s many friends, most of whom recently graduated from high school.
I'm also praying for the many people who received Corban's organs and tissues, who will have healthy - and longer - lives because of her death.
I’m especially praying for, and asking prayers for, Scott’s upstairs neighbors, to whom he was so close, and who are now my dear friends as well.
The daughter, who witnessed Scott’s death, was best friends with Corban since they were five; the mother has been a surrogate “Mom” to Corban for the past thirteen years. This is their third unexpected death in less then two years, as several months after Scott died, so did their father/grandfather.
And so my ramblings come to an end…
Did you make it all the way through my tome?
Thank you ~ Thank you so much.