Saturday, January 09, 2010
I was surprised by the response I got from some dear friends to my January 2010, so I'd to clear up some things because I obviously miscommunicated! Sorry about that!
Goals need to be specific and achievable. So, I'd like to lose 25-30 pounds by summer, and my sister's wedding in July is a convenient milestone on the calendar by which I can achieve this. If she weren't getting married, I'd choose some arbitrary day and adjust my goals accordingly.
Motivation and inspiration don't hurt, and the wedding gives me an additional bit of motivation that was unclear in my blog. My sis is getting married on the beach. Literally, on the beach. We're all going to be there swimming, in our bathing suits, and a minister is going to walk over and marry them right there, as a surprise to the groom's family. I will have no choice about what to wear; it *must* be beachwear!
Also, when I alluded to my being the "fat sister," I need to explain why I said that! My sister lives in an affluent area of the south, where the wives don't work and are in extraordinary shape. I'll be seen as "the fat sister" by anyone shallow or mean enough to label me. That's not self-criticism; that's simple fact. I've been labeled that way all our lives, even when I weighed 50 pounds less than I do now. When I'm not taking care of myself, it's a lot harder to ignore such neanderthal and ignorant attitudes. They are other people's attitudes, not mine. My sister and I are both beautiful in unique ways.
If I were wearing a dress at the wedding instead of a bathing suit, I'd go shopping and find a gorgeous dress that shows off my body as well as possible, and nobody would bat an eye about my doing that. And I'd *still* try to lose some weight before I bought that dress -- not because I think less of myself, but because I've put on 15 pounds in the last couple of months due to weather and stress, and it's not healthy.
Instead of writing I don't want to feel self-conscious and "fat" on my sister's wedding day, I really should have written that I want to "feel and look my best" in order to communicate better. That means means I love myself enough to want to be healthier than I am today, and a July wedding happens to be a convenient goal to work towards.
So don't worry about me. I love myself (and you, too).