Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I'll try not to make this too long but I think its time to confess my sins!
I started slipping away at Halloween time. My school ended up getting very demanding and work even more demanding. The restaurant I work for - helped open - and have devoted my life to for an entire year is struggling to stay open. The stress of feeling like the success of the restaurant rests on my shoulders had me so stressed out. Everyday turned into me trying to think "what can we do better". These thoughts completely replaced my healthy habit thoughts. I was too exhausted after work and school to go work out, and I had spent all day cooking and it made me not want to cook at home.
Then the holidays hit. I lost my grandmother about 3 years ago. She is the reason im a chef today. She taught me how to cook and she inspired me to cook. After leaving her house after family events all that could be said was ''grandma is such an amazing cook''. Nobody had ever been highlighted as an ''amazing cook'' in my family aside from my grandmother - until me. Now IM the amazing cook. Since the holidays were the only times my grandma really cooked there are traditional recipes. Since my grandmother died - I felt obligated to not change the recipes. It would be a tease to say ''these are Minnies famous bacon buns..now with turkey bacon!" Now that im becoming a successful chef the pain of losing my grandma is becoming more real. I wanted my family to see me succeed but I always dreamed my grandma would be there when I opened my own restaurant. Now she wont be and these thoughts just were upsetting me more and more. Im proud to say I will be attempting to start my own catering business this year and I will most likely be calling it Minnie's after my grandmother. So hopefully getting over this obstacle and realizing why I was over-eating over the holidays will help me push forward. I want to start perfecting my recipes for my own business but im going to start getting myself healthy first. If I start working out and eating better then I wont be so compelled to try everything I make.
Im really going to need all my spark friends help to keep me on track. I gained about 6 lbs over the holidays which Im aware could be so much worse but it still upsets me alot. If anyones willing to be a texting buddy i definitely need someone to remind me all day to not give into picking at food and that once I get to my goal weight I will be a healthy chef..not the cliche fat chef.