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    ETTEZEUS   142,736
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Finally! I know what I want!!

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Monday, January 04, 2010

Nope, I'm not telling you what I want just yet! First, you have to hear my story. I finally get to tell it because I think the time is right! So, grab a cup of coffee cause it's gonna be a long one....

While I was grocery shopping yesterday (and thinking how much I hate grocery shopping), I happened down an aisle that was deserted except for me and another girl. She was young, I'd say around early to mid 20s. She was also overweight, not obese but close. I watched her for a few minutes. She was reading the nutrition on the back of a box. I started smiling, thinking about where I was 16 months ago and how I did (and still do) the same thing she was doing. It was at that point she turned and seen me. She gave me *the body scan* from head to toe, put the box down and QUICKLY left the aisle. I was a little stunned at first and I wanted to tell her "Hey, I know what you're going through and I just want to tell you that I've been where you are" but I didn't. I held back.

Why would she listen to someone like me??? Who was I?

Then this morning when I checked my email, I had lots of notifications saying so and so left a comment on my SparkPage. WOW! Tons of people I didn't know were visiting MY SparkPage....

Ok....but Why? I go look and to my surprise, I'm Motivator of the Day! I'm reading all these comments congratulating me, telling me I'm an inspriation, asking me how I did it, and so on.

So, for some strange reason, I started thinking about the girl in the grocery store.

Ut oh, if I'm going to get deep in thought, then I better put on my running shoes!

OH YEAH BABY! First Reflection Run of the year....here it comes. And it's a winner!!

I started thinking about the girl in the grocery store. I was exactly like her in October 2008! (Ok so not exactly since I was twice her age but you get the general picture.) I was overweight and trying to learn about nutrition so I was reading labels. If I seen someone skinny (notice I said skinny, not fit and healthy, since skinny was all I wanted to be) looking at me while I was reading, I immediately put the box away and ran as fast as I could! I couldn't bear the thought of what they were thinking about me! (I do have another blog on this topic too, Do I care what people think of me.)

I would project what they were thinking about me such as, "Look at the fat chick who is going to try and lose weight again probably for the 100th time....Bet she fails again!" And I picture them laughing at me.I would think that because that is EXACTLY what had happened to me time and time again in the past. Diet...fail, diet....fail, diet...fail and on it went for years and years.

But then something wonderful happened to me! I found SparkPeople! I learned about food tracking and nutrition. I joined teams and made some wonderful friends. I read many, many articles and learned lots. And when I was having a bad day, or I went on a binge, or I felt like giving up, I would come to my Spark friends and tell them what was going on, tell them how I gorged myself and then cried myself to sleep because I was on the road to failing again.

But guess what?.....Instead of hearing what I expected, "give up, quit, why bother" I was given encouragement and LOTS of it! I would then go in search of other SparkPages and read wonderful stories of inspiration. And I would get motivated again and move forward. Many times I was on the 2 steps forward, 1 step back routine....but I kept putting one foot in front of the other.

Then, in Feb of 2009 I started running to progress my weight loss. I joined my now beloved Rookie Running team! THAT TEAM is one of the major reasons I am where I am today! The friends I've made there kept me going.

They were always there when I needed the push. They helped me through the rough runs from the 5ks to the half marathon! And let me tell you, during my half marathon training, there were some really rough runs! Oh boy, do I remember well the 11 mile barrier!! Three times I tried to cross it during training and 3 times I failed....Miserably! I cried and told my teammates how scared I was of failing at the half marathon. I put my fears out there for all to see! I didn't hold back, I let it all out!

What I got from them is the last thing I expected! I expected to hear the exact things I was telling myself, "Well, then just quit. If you know you can't do it, then don't. Quit, go ahead, no one will care. You've given up before, why should now be any different."

But, oh what I got was so far from what I thought I'd get!!

What I got was encouragement....from EVERYONE! Not one single person told me to quit. NOT ONE!! I got so much encouragement that I COULDN'T quit!! I DIDN'T WANT to quit!! They weren't giving up on me so why would I consider giving up on myself!

And we know how that half marathon turned out! (And if you don't know, then you'll just have to read my Space Coast Half Marathon blog....hee hee....got ya to read yet another of my blogs...LOL)

So, after all that thinking, after all the encouragement, after the half marathon, after all the wonderful comments I got for being Motivator of the Day, after my 10 mile run, after realizing that I couldn't do this alone, that it took all those encouraging people to get me where I am, it hit me!! Like a ton of bricks!

Hold on, here it comes....you are finally going to find out what I want! LOL

I WANT TO GIVE BACK TO OTHERS WHAT WAS GIVEN TO ME!!

I WANT TO BE AN INSPIRATION!!

I WANT TO BE AN ENCOURAGER!!

I WANT TO BE A MOTIVATOR!!

I WANT OTHERS TO ASK ME HOW I DID IT!

I WANT TO TELL THEM MY STORY!!

So from this day on, if I see anyone in the grocery store needing help, if I see women at the gym ready to give it up, if I see that runner on the side of the road panting, I AM going to give encouragement!! I will tell them about my own blood, sweat, and tears!

And I will cheer them on just like ALL OF YOU have done for me!

It's MY TURN to give back!!

Life IS Good!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DREBENEZER 9/25/2010 12:18AM

    Great job Suezette. It's one thing I love about our group...even on the worst day the feedback is positive and everybody just wants to get better and have fun. Everything else is gravy (or ice cream)!!

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BOBBYD31 9/24/2010 10:52PM

    not sure how i missed this one but it is great, good for you! (gotta watch who you turn to with binge issues, LOL)

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CASSIOEPIA 9/24/2010 6:15PM

    I freakin' love this blog!

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KARIAMBRIZ 6/11/2010 9:08PM

    Awesome blog emoticon

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NOTSPEEDY 6/11/2010 9:19AM

    Wonderful blog. I am headed toward my 2nd 1000 fitness minutes award and wanted to see if they had any awards for more than that. Though at 71 I don't think I could do more than that. I was wondering how I could find out and then I thought of you on the Virtual Walk team. If anyone had one, I knew it would be you. Apparently the 1000 award is all they have.

Then I saw your popular blog posts and I will just have to read all of them. I believe that anyone who wants to succeed on SP will have the same goals of wanting to motivate others. That is something that encourages us on our way.

Now I am going to have to find your Space Coast Half Marathon blog.

I think it is wonderful what you have accomplished. It isn't just loosing weight, it is getting a new life for yourself, both inside and out. I am so glad that I am on a team with you.

Hugs,
Yvonne

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STBTBIC 5/29/2010 6:19PM

    Congratulations and the best of luck to you as you continue your journey to stay healthy.

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RAINBOWZLPN 5/20/2010 9:41AM

    Wow... U are an inspiration.... give yourself a hug & I am sending you some. Your honesty is a breath of fresh air, & for that, I thank you. emoticon emoticon
Jennifer

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CHANNAH2 4/13/2010 12:44PM

    what a inspiring story...i feel exactly the way those other people feel..i understand the looks you talk about and the diet start over..another diet start over..But since sparks i have finally lost more than 1/4 of a pound each week...i have dropped almost 4 in 3 weeks...and i am getting married in 16 mths...and my goal is NEVER TO GET MARRIED WEARING A TENT!!!
Any advise you could give would be awesome...I would love to have you as a sparks friend too!!!

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GOBBLER11 3/28/2010 3:16PM

    Your honesty of how it feels to give up on weight loss and then start up over again one more time, over and over until you finally feel yourself crest the hill of success is a real inspiration to me as I have paralleled your intentions as well as your actions so many times. Thank you for your honesty! emoticon

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SUSIEMT 3/28/2010 2:37PM

    I finally got to read your blog and it was wonderful. Thank you so much. I will remember this when I run into someone that looks like they may neeed encouragement

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GIVEUP30 3/27/2010 5:53AM

    emoticon I to look at labels as the people in the store look and finally realize what I am doing they start asking me questions does it really help to read the label, explain to me what I'm to be looking for...etc.. emoticon

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KMARTIN9061 3/26/2010 11:09AM

    Thank you for the motivation today! I really needed it to stay on track! I want to be that person who can help someone when I reach my goals!

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MAYBER 3/25/2010 9:25AM

    Thank you for inspiring me to keep trying one more day and then another day and another day ect. Your encouragement to others will be welcomed by most. Continue to tell your story. Thank you

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ISLANDJACKS 3/24/2010 6:02PM

    You ARE an inspiration! I have lost over 17 pounds and need to lose a minimum of 30 more. I will keep on trying every day! Thanks for this blog post.

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SHROPSKR 3/22/2010 4:11PM

  good for you

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NIKNAK27 3/17/2010 2:31PM

  Feeling bloated and ungainly after a wasted diet day. Your blog has given me hope, still reading and planning but inspired by your blog. Just what I needed.

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DIDI_60LBS_BY60 3/17/2010 10:39AM

    emoticon what a great inspiration you are emoticon !!!!


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Diane

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GDOBBIN 3/11/2010 2:41PM

    Unbelievable how you overcame the obstacles! emoticon

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CXCAID 3/9/2010 12:56PM

    I was feeling listless dreading my afternoon walk and i was going through my email and came across your blog . It inspired me and made me feel encouraged to keep to my goal. emoticon

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CHAMBY1258 3/5/2010 1:35PM

    Bless you for having this attitude. So many women when they reach the so called skinny stage in their lives treat others badly. Keep up the good work and encourage everyone that you can. This article was an encouragement to me.

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BRIDGETTED 3/1/2010 11:33PM

    What an INSPIRATION!

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SWAN47 3/1/2010 1:43AM

    I could relate to your story although I don't have a tremendous amount of weight to lose. No matter if it's 30lbs or 100lbs. we all struggle for different reasons. SP community helps us through these days. I was at the gym and there was a young obese women with a trainer. I wanted so bad to get into a conversation and ask if she new about SP site but I didn't. I know next time I will. Thank you for your inspiration! emoticon

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KIMBRUNKHORST 2/25/2010 11:25AM

    You ARE an inspiration! Thank you for your post...and especially if you pass that runner on the road...just tell them they are doing GREAT! I have received that before and it feels so wonderful...so now I do the same! :) God bless!

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ROBYNBEZ 2/23/2010 3:22PM

  AWESOME! I so needed this today!

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SMARTDONNA 2/21/2010 4:29PM

    Thank you for sharing your big WIN, inspiration and for supporting others with your wonderful (real) story. I missed the email with your blog on it earlier and was in the process of cleaning out my email when I came upon it. I've been having a tough time too and know only too well what you are talking about. I am grateful for Sparkpeople.com and for real people like you. Mahalo.

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MYSHELLEHOPE 2/21/2010 4:08PM

  You're awesome!

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HISBUTTERFLY722 2/19/2010 1:17PM

    I am sitting at my desk at work, this is now what I do on my lunch break since it is only 1/2 hour. I get onto SP! I saw your post and read it. It brought tears to my eyes. You are an amazing person for not only doing what you did to get "healthy and fit" but for wanting to share with others how you did it and help. I am just begining my battle and I know it will be a long and hard one, but with people like you on here it makes me want to keep going. You are a true inspiration! Thank you!

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LISA05121 2/18/2010 10:44AM

  Wow what a inspiration to all!! I was needing a little pick me up today, and because each day is a "one day at a time" You
have encouraged me to get through one more day with a positive attitude, and the drive for me to do my best! Thanks, and keep up the good work

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XPRETTYLIKEFIRE 2/16/2010 8:04PM

    I loved your blog - thank you for sharing your story!

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NOTGIVINGUP49 2/16/2010 6:05PM

    Thanks for your story! You are MY inspiration! I too struggled and have wanted to give up at times, but have thought of the encouragement I too have received from my SparkFriends. I started out not wanting to let them down; Now I don't want to let MYSELF down. Thanks for sharing your story and paying it forward! emoticon emoticon

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GLOWORM1963 2/15/2010 5:19AM

    Great Blog ~

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CHANGES12 2/14/2010 8:54AM

  You are an inspiring person, we need people like you to help everyone get through our journey. I have a diffulcult time sometimes, I do the best I can. I am obese and it's rough and i need to lose weight and feel better about myself. emoticon

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YANIRA1966 2/13/2010 7:50AM

  Thank you for your story. It has encourage me not to give up. I have a child with cerebral palsy and he been my whole world. He now nine years old he doing better with his health issues. But now I'm now the one that have diabetes, high blood pressure and over weight.Now I'm worry that if something happens to be who will take care of him. Its so hard to focus on yourself with you have other important people to take care of. That just my feeling.I been in spark for at least a month, I'm still trying to understand how everything works.. But thank you so much for your story.

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MOMMAB52 2/11/2010 11:35PM

  Thank you for sharing your story. I just joined Spark People. Sti
Trying to figure out hoe everything works. Your story got me pumped
to get off and running towards heLthier me. Thanks again.


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SUESINK 2/11/2010 3:03PM

    This is awesome - and isn't it just the greatest feeling to be on the upside instead of the downside -
Helping people is great!

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SHERREMAC 2/11/2010 12:48PM

    me TOO!!! Way to go!

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PAYDAY10 2/11/2010 10:50AM

  You are an asset to the your Community and SP. Thank you for reaching out.

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SPEECHEE89 2/11/2010 10:18AM

    You are a great motivator. Thank you for sharing the joy you create. emoticon

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GOODYBAR58 2/11/2010 12:59AM

    What a story and inspiration you are! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and giving me another way to pay it forward. I've got a long way to go on my journey and you've given me the encouragement to keep moving forward.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDAMARIE2010 2/11/2010 12:44AM

    "Paying it forward" .. its what its all about on SparkPeople. So Suzette, continue to pay it forward as you have, for you will make a difference in the lives of the people you touch out to.

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SPARKYCARLEY 2/10/2010 8:55PM

    You're off to a good start... you just gave me some encouragement as well! Thanks.

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NANAMOM652009 2/10/2010 7:31PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to hear what you had to say. You have been an inspiration to me. Hopefully I can continue to do what I need to do. emoticon

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ROTTLADY 2/10/2010 4:17PM

    You have given me renewed hope. I am still that person reading the labels for calorie and portion sizes. My journey has hit a long stall ,but I have not quit. Have the demons of why the hell not cheat I am not going anywhere anyway. Spark freinds and stories like yours have kept me going and on task. emoticon

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TANIJAY 2/10/2010 10:30AM

    I so needed this! you are a motivational force thank you

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SWTSUCCESS2012 2/9/2010 10:47PM

    Thanks for your inspirational story. I'm hoping I will have a similar one someday. What I'd like to understand is how to get past the discouragement I give to myself. I start out my day highly motivated and make it through most of the day just fine but let one little thing happen, like getting invited out to dinner or someone bringing in little candies to work, & boom. I throw it all away and then spend the rest of the night feeling like I've blown it...again and that all this dieting is so much work and I'm so tired of it all. So what I'd like to learn from people like you is how do you keep yourself motivated? What made it different for you this time? How do you keep going every day and how often do you mess up. Wow, I didn't know I had of this to ask. Keep up your good works. It helps.

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KEVCEB 2/9/2010 9:48PM

  Bless you and keep up the great work...you deserve it!!!

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MISSPATTYM 2/9/2010 3:33PM

  Thank you for sharing that incident with all of us. It is a painful thing to want to turn away and run away.

And your pics of HM were SO encouraging! I am preping for my first ... the end of March, the heart mini here in cincy.

Scared but determined.

misspattym

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FLAMINGOSOCKS 2/9/2010 10:40AM

    I am so proud of you!!!!

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CROB4807 2/9/2010 10:20AM

    Thanks, your story was just what I needed. For the first couple of months I was going along great, but these last two months I think I am taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I am not going to give up I just start each day and move forward.
thanks again

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