Sunday, January 03, 2010
It's a Brand New Year and once again I am looking at the New Year with big dreams. That's all they have been... dreams. I stopped setting goals for the New Year many many years ago because I always failed!!
For some reason this year feels different... like this is the year FOR ME!! I have never actually thought that before, so I am hoping my gut feeling is right.
I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been. I am miserable... truly miserable. To be honest, I have even consulted with a Lap Band surgeon. In my heart, I really don't want to go that route, but I am starting to feel desperate. I am a loner now. I only have one close friend that I confide in and it's at an "arms distance" length. I have pushed everyone else away because of my weight. I have used my weight as an excuse for everything!! I used to have so many friends and loved entertaining and having fun. Now I find any excuse not to have fun. How sad am I? My poor children do not deserve this at all. Did I mention that I am a Girl Scout leader too. Oh boy, the places we could have went if I wasn't so heavy.
Wow, I have never written a blog before so this feels a little weird... but I will admit something...it feels really good to write down what I am feeling right now.
I think that I will start writing things down, which is something I never do. Maybe if I write down (or blog) my TRUE and HONEST thoughts and feelings I will start to see what's really "eating" at me and start to change my life for the better. I am actually creating goals this year... I know that throughout the year I will add more goals too. Well, here goes...
GOALS for 2010:
Love, Love and truly Love my family & myself
Allow my husband to love me
Have more patience
Stop being afraid of everything (this one bugs me...I will elaborate more later)
Be more active... i'm not calling it exercise or else I won't do it
Be less involved with my daughters' school and more focused on my home & family (more details later)
That's it for now... I know that there are more to come for sure... I just feel that this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Happy New Year to all of you and may all of your hopes and wishes come true :)