Thursday, December 31, 2009
I have read some beautiful words in blogs this morning which lift my heart in so many ways. But when I awoke this morning my heart felt so heavy as my thoughts reflect on some of 2009 the tears still come so easily, I can't help but miss dear Uncle BJ such a wonderful many taken to a better life but leaves me so empty as I miss him daily. What a lucky girl to have been able to share him with his family for 33 years. Then there was the loss of my job which I actually loved doing, well not the job so much as the people I did it for, even though I felt I had no choice but to leave that pain remains. And then there of course comes to mind the fact of not speaking to my mother and sister for yet another year, though it is my choice to stay away and not put myself in a position to have to deal with them there is still that pain that remains at the end of yet another year, the pain of knowing someone doesn't care enough to have you in their life brings pain as well. There is pain in knowing I did not reach my goals this year in fact put them aside that pain brings guilt!
But then there is joy the joy of knowing my precious daughter is expecting our first grandbaby and yes we already know that it is a girl!! How exciting watching her transistion into motherhood and knowing she too will experience all that comes with giving a child a life. My biggest hope is that with the distance we can still be a huge part of her life. The joy of watching Lance and Maggie develope their new relationship and the hopes that one day they too will put themselves on course to a happy life if that is what is meant to be for them.
We have never celebrated NEW YEAR's EVE as a big event like some people do so staying home by ourselves is NO big deal we normally have one couple over do pizza and movies and watch the ball drop this year they are attending a basketball game so we will be watching movies alone, not the end of the world at least we will be home safe and not putting ourselves in harms way, our weather dictates that is important as well.
So today is a confusing day of sorts, mixed bag of emotions for sure but one thing I am eternally gratefull for is my wonderful group of friends who support, encourage and share my life here daily. I can't thank you enough for caring and sharing and I know that no matter what is going on in my life you are there waiting to share it with me. I have no doubts that our friendships will last a lifetime, that you don't point fingers at my failures, that you don't desert me when I need you most and that you just share your conditional love with me. Life without you would be so empty!!
My prayer is that 2010 brings you joy, health and happiness, along with my friendship!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!