Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I have been thinking about this a lot lately: "Why I need to lose weight".
As my husband said, I have never been "fat". As in, people may have not whispered comments about my weight as I walked down the street and I never had to shop in the plus-sized section of the department stores. But at 5'4'' and over 150lbs, there was no denying that I was overweight. College was good to me, as far as meeting new people and learning new things, but it also opened me to a world of different foods. I grew up drinking skim milk and diet soda. Suddenly, I was drinking beer and hot cocoa every weekend. Breakfast used to be a cereal bar and some orange juice. In college I could have Belgian waffles with real butter, real maple syrup, and real whipped cream. With sprinkles. For breakfast. My sophmore year, I met my husband, who had a car, and we ate out with friends. A lot. Chinese food and IHOP were weekend staples of ours.
Luckily, a lot has changed since then. I haven't been to IHOP in over a year because the last few times I've went, someone leaves feeling sick. I lost a lot of weight after college, simply by diet and exercise. I went from that 152lbs to 122lbs. A weight loss of 30lbs, and I looked good. I looked really good. I was doing a lot of weight lifting, could run a solid 8 minute mile (for me, that's fast), and I don't think I have ever looked better in my life.
But life gets the best of you. That weight was hard for me to maintain, and when my husband was in Iraq, the weight crept on. Right now, I am hovering around 138lbs. Not a place I want to be. More than half the weight I lost after college, is back. The difference now though, is that I know how I should be eating. Back in college, I didn't know. Now, I've done enough research to know how I should be eating, what I should be eating, etc. But then one day, something in me will say "But, I look fine. Its not like I'm huge."
How can I let that be okay though? Just because I don't weigh so much that people make fun of me, its okay to not lose this weight? Just because I wear scrubs to work so I don't need to buy a new wardrobe, its okay to keep letting the pounds creep up?
So, its not okay. I have a good 10lbs to lose. Ideally, before my cousin's wedding this coming July, but really for myself. And this is why:
I am not healthy. When I eat bad foods, my body knows it. If I have too much of any simple carbs, whether it be sugar and candy or soft white pretzels, I actually wake up in a fog. I call it the "food hangover", but its really unpleasant. Needless to say, I've had way too many of these recently. Also, eating too much has been making me really tired. I've been getting plenty of sleep and I still wake up groggy. I've been tired on my drive to work, which is a really terrible way to start the day. Lastly, my husband and I are planning on having kids soon. I don't want to be out of shape when I am finally pregnant.
I don't know if this is going to be enough for me. I keep stepping on the scale and seeing it go up and down between 136lbs and 138lbs, and my motivation to get it lower wanes every time it is on the low side. But I am tired of being unhappy with the way I look, and knowing that I have it in me to look much better, to feel much better, to be much better.