Can it get any worse.....
Monday, December 28, 2009
Well on top of all that has been going on in my life, yet another is tearing me down. Never thought I would be here and have prayed numerous prayers about it. Have been married almost 17 years, together with my hubby 22 and half years and now he has said he is not happy. We have had problems in the past (that came out of the blue really) and it was the same thing. Like walking into a door that you did not know was there. He said he was leaving then.. I thought we worked things out and everything seemed really good. Yet once again I am the stupid one. Now after hearing of his plant closing in 2011 he just kinda went strange from then. Hardly talking to me and when he was it was treating me badly, snapping at me and commenting rudely etc. and then saying he is not happy and seems he is making plans to leave me and my two girls. I am devastated, and heart broken and some days don't feel I even have the energy to stand. My eyes are so swollen today from crying most of the day yesterday. My life will never be the same if he leaves, more importantly my girls lives will never be the same. I grew up with my father leaving when I was 10 and never ever wanted my kids to be faced with this and have to go through what I did! Now it seem I can't do much to stop it! I'm so broken inside and I don't understand any of it ! Why is life so cruel?! Why every time I turn around is another person walking out on their spouse?! What is happening to this world?!! I don't know what my girls and I will do or how we will get on with out him. Jobs are few and far between and my experience is even less than that. I grew up working with kids in day cares when you were allowed to have one teacher in the room who was not ECE and one that was. I did not have my ECE but knew more than most that did since I had been in day cares since I was 16. Now a days both teachers have to be ECE qualified, and now that I am 40 I really don't think working with kids is for me, and sadly I don't really know much else, and frankly I am terrified of the thought of anything else. It's silly really, but it goes back to my childhood. Anyway, I don't drive either so that makes things even more difficult. Enough on that though. Thing is I never thought I would be here. My hubby always said that I would never be faced with that. He knew what I went through as a child and he said he would never put me nor any child through that, and now here he is not giving a crap and only into self gratification and what is good for him. He is thinking only of him, his happiness as a single man with no responsibilities, no one to be accountable to, no kids in the house when he comes home so he can just do what he wants and not have fatherly responsibilities. He wants to play his online poker and do his own stuff. My girls wonder why his happiness is more important than there's. They don't understand any of it either because as my daughter says, "mommy you guys hardly ever argue" We didn't anyway, but now with how he treats me it is like he is trying to create arguments just so he can say we don't get along. I guess that way in his head if he believes it or creates it he feels better running off on us. It seems he is working harder at making our marriage bad than he is at making it good.. Life sucks and if he leaves I don't ever see it being better.. No after that my life is basically ruined. For some with big paying jobs and such maybe life does not have much of an adjustment after a spouse abandons everyone, but that is not the case here. I don't have a good paying job, nor do I have that good education. My hubby knew that before we got married and he also knew how important it was for me to be a stay at home mom while my kids were in public school at least. (because of how I grew up I wanted to be there for my kids to help ensure they would do well in school and have confidence in themselves). Both my girls get VERY good grades and are confident girls, but I can see this ripping all that away and changing them. Especially for my youngest who is only 11. It's awful and I feel very broken. I am trying to remain strong, but that is easier said then done. Holding myself together some days feels impossible. This time of year it's even harder. Some people are so selfish! Running out on people seems to be the thing to do now a days. No wonder everything is so screwed up. And this is coming from the girl who used to be a very positive person no matter what happened in life. That is another things that tears me apart. All this has changed me so much and trusting anyone is very difficult. I used to trust almost everyone... *sighs* Seems now a days it's normal to have more than have the population single parents.. I just don't know how I will do it, I guess for some it is easy, or easier anyway.. For me, well I don't see anything easy about it. Especially with hubby losing his good job and finding something for that good of pay any more is difficult. He gets a buy out but once they take off taxes it won't be much, and then after getting that even if he pays off bills, then now we have no money coming in and he can't collect unemployment, so of course he will need something. The jobs out there know don't pay much so if he leaves half of not much is pretty much nothing to live off of... I see him being the type of person to find something under that table so he has money for him, but then we suffer even more, and as selfish as he has been I don't see him caring all that much. When I say selfish I mean it. He never wants to leave his online poker games to take the girls any where, everything is a bother for him when it comes to doing something other than for himself, and that I am not exaggerating about in the least......... Anyway....
All I have is prayer and I have been doing a ton of that lately.......
Blessings to all, and I pray that your lives are joyful and happy and that you are not being faced with anything such as this........
Member Comments About This Blog Post
My Dear Sunshine,
I can't begin to tell you how deep my understanding and feelings go for you right now.
Honey, I have been there too. Be strong. (Thats why I changed my name to Ka- Taki-tomotsin, which means be strong in blackfoot). I went thru it at about the same age as you. Im nearly 70 now...and the best things I can say to you, are get help from a really good counselor. I had one for $5.00 per session thru Family Services. It really helped. It was so hard on my girls too, but they made it through and two of the three are much stonger from what they learned by it.
Sunshine I really like what Crickett wrote. I would like to add to it by saying, "AND THIS TO WILL PASS" and "GOD NEVER GIVES US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE". You are a strong woman, this is not your fault I am willing to say. Men go thru menopause just like women, and there lives at 40ish are not very secure sometimes. Especially with him loosing his job. STAY STRONG! NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE YOUR HAPPINESS AWAY. HOW YOU FEEL IS UP TO YOU. IF YOU HAVE TO, GET MAD!
All my love and prayers are with you. Please feel free to email me anythime. I am here for you.
2447 days ago
You have my support and prayers!!! Be strong!!! You know in your heart what you need to do! Your girls are looking to you for strength and love! I know you have it within to be their loving mother and pillar of strength!
2461 days ago
I feel your pain. I will keep you and your girls in my prayers, and will keep praying that God will make a way where there is no way.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
Seek help and guidance from people you trust, and that have your best interest at heart. (Family, & friends.)
2464 days ago
Comment edited on: 12/29/2009 8:35:13 PM
So sorry to hear your story. It's not easy for anyone. But somehow we get through it.
If you think he's not "just venting" and there is a real possibility of him leaving, please think about contacting an attorney to protect your rights, especially before he receives a buyout from his employer. Once the money is gone, there's nothing to claim your half of. You also need to establish his wages while he's making better money. If he thinks he's just walking away with no responsibility, he's got a rude awakening coming. He'll find that paying out child support doesn't leave much money for gambling or a new single life.
That being said, it sounds like most of his problems may be stemming from his online-gambling addiction. He needs help. It's affecting his whole disposition, and he's about to throw away everything good in his life. Try to talk to him about it, or get someone else to talk to him... family member, friend, anybody.
You're in my prayers.
2465 days ago
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
You are in my thoughts!
2465 days ago
I am so sorry to hear of this additional challenge in your life. I hope and pray that you and your girls will have a healthier and happier 2010, and that your problems will be resolved in the best way possible so you will have peace of mind and ease of heart.
2465 days ago
Oh dear...my heart goes out to you and I feel so awful at the situation you are in. I don't have any words of wisdom, but
am sending wishes your way that things will improve between you and your hubby.
2465 days ago
I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THIS, I WENT THRU IT A YEAR OR SO AGO. KNOW I AM THINKING OF YOU!
2465 days ago
I wish for peace for you and the girls. It may sound trite but...God never closes a door without opening another window. Take charge of your life and protect your girls from harm. Will be checking in on you to see how you are doing.
2465 days ago
Oh Honey, I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. I'm praying for you and your girls....Linda
2465 days ago
Thanks for sharing your sad situation. My heart and prayers go out to you. Remain strong and pray always.
2465 days ago
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