Friday, December 18, 2009
Ok, so I don't do resolutions. I don't believe in setting myself up for major change in one fell swoop of a statement. If I am going to make a statement it will need more than one sentence and 10 words. My usual New Years mantra is "to find humor in every day." Its doable, it helps ground you on a bad day, makes a good day worthwhile and doesn't set me up for failure because, lets face it, I do something stupid that is humorous each and every day. On a good day I do it more than once. And there are enough other idiots in this world if I am running flat that day.
So with that said, I am going to break my rule and make a resolution. Actually I am thinking it will be more of a gift to myself and if I dig deep it is already perfectly wrapped. So what is this great resolution? I AM GOING TO ACCEPT MY BODY EXACTLY AS IT IS! Yes, it is in caps for a reason. Because I am going to have to shout this at myself repeatedly. So why do it? Because I can. Because I can accept myself and be happy. Because I am alive, I am healthy, I am happy, I am loved. Because I am the only one who doesn't see what others see and I am tired of tormenting myself with statements that tear me down. Why? Why do that to yourself? No one is perfect. Ya know what? I am 40. My butt is never gonna be where it was when I was 20. And I didn't appreciate it then so why worry about it now???? I have some jiggle to my backside and inner thighs. SO WHAT! I have them and they work very well. It could be far worse! I could have them and not be able to use them or appreciate them. So there thighs and behind, I accept you for who you are. You are my power houses when I run marathons, you look really good if I wear the skirt style bikini bottom and jeans look pretty good on you. So its not your fault, its mine for not accepting you. I just need to see you differently.
Abs, I like you too. You are not as ripped as you were a couple of years ago. You are a bit more soft and womanly and I like you. You help me stay upright when I run, your pretty good in a bikini, you hold in my guts which give me my strength from food. Ok, so finding 3 things wasn't so easy. It was humorous. (see mantra above)
Arms, shoulders, back and chest I like you too. You are looking good! You help pull me through runs, lift objects me think a woman shouldn't attempt and are really good at wii boxing!
So, there you have it. I had a really good stare at myself today in the mirror, gulp, neked and it wasn't so bad. It was pretty good actually for 40. You have been good to me. You have been the same range of numbers for over a year when I am eating good or cheating. You rebound after a night of beer, you go right back after a big salty burger and fries and don't really make me work too hard to stay at this range of numbers. So why am I mad at you for doing something really great? You may not be the number I am wishing for, but I need to accept that the number you are stays the same no matter what I do. And I test you. Who wouldn't kill for that? Apparently me. But not any more. I am going to appreciate your dedication to me.
So today I pledge to stop worrying about that damned 5-8 pounds I have said that I am going to lose simply to achieve a certain number for the last 12 months. I am tired of wishing every morning for a certain number on the scale that is not going to be there and I am not going to do it anymore. (kind of feels like 9-5 all of a sudden) If I focus on what I like and remember what I looked like 8 pounds thinner I am not sure I will like as much. Actually I just looked at some older pictures and I am right, that number didn't really look that great on me. I get bony pretty easy. Ok, refocus. I do have a lot more muscle at this weight. No, I am not using the "I gained muscle not fat" argument here. Well, maybe a little. So give up muscle and long running for a smaller number and less strength? I don't think so. I even ate a cookie today without guilt. Because one stupid cookie is not going to end my life. Why is that? Because I like my body!
Happy New Year everyone from someone who likes their body! Ok, I may not have totally embraced this already, but I am well on my way and will shame myself no more!