Episode 7: Everything I learned about hating my body...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I learned from my mother.
Yes, my mother. The woman who raised me singlehandedly for the last 12 years. Who worked more than 50 hours a week to make ends meet. Who I have nothing but respect for. She is one of the main reasons I hate my body. I can't fault her for being worried about me, but she doesn't have to be so confrontational about it.
We were watching Dr. Oz today and one of the women on his weight loss challenge was about my dress size only about forty pounds lighter (which isn't that much of a surprise, between sports and body time, I have a fairly high muscle mass, so even though I'm about 217, I fit into a size 12, 14 at the most.) so I was feeling pretty good about this. Which of course meant she had to, as my friends and I like to say, pee in my skittles. "Well looks aren't everything, the point is you still weigh 217" **(mental body blow)** "And not to depress you any more, but I'm only a few pounds away from being lighter than you." **HOW IS THAT NOT SUPPOSED TO DEPRESS ME ANYMORE?!** "Well, you know what you have to do"
And this last line is where I lose it a little. Yes, my mom has fought with her weight her entire life, but she just had major weight loss surgery. Who is she to tell me what I should do? This is the same woman who put me on atkins when I was 12! If she wan't to support me, that awesome. But I refuse to be condesended to by someone who not only copped out on her own weight loss efforts, but made me feel bad about my own weight.
I don't have health problems, I'm active (again, with no problems), I feel completely confident in my looks, I have a boyfriend who adores me, extra weight and all, and I'm working on it, very slowly, but there's work being done.
This isn't the first incident like this though. This is the same person who, my entire life, convinced me that I'd be better off with the one piece, even though I felt fine in the bikini. The one who, as I was bounding out of the house to go out with some friends to a halloween parade said "do you really think you have legs for thigh highs?".