I interrupt your regularly scheduled holiday insanity for this much needed humor break that has NOTHING to do with holidays, feuding in-laws, or finding acceptable gifts for 20 and 12 year old daughters:
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old nephew asked me in the car the other day, "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.
I now return you to the regularly scheduled insanity with all of it's decorating and card writing and stamp buying and cooking and party attending and baking and wrapping and *deep breath* not overeating and fitting in exercise AND sleep and feathers ruffling and cajoling and lecturing and mediating and *another deep breath* praying, praying, praying for the in-laws (and my poor three brothers who have to live with my sisters-in-law in the midst of the madness) and *groan* the shopping for kids that will SURELY smile and roll their eyes no matter WHAT they're given (except my 10 month old grandson who will love the box whatever I give him comes in!) and and and ... It does stop on the 25th, right? lol
Please, don't lose sight of the real reason we're doing all this (and His name is Jesus) and spend some time in fellowship and worship with Him, reminding Him that it is His life we celebrate. (For my cherished Jewish friends, remember the ancient and revered celebrations with joy-filled hearts, knowing you are God's chosen nation, and thank you for sharing your customs and their meanings with those of us who are of other faiths.)
Breathe, my friends, BREATHE!!!