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    BNBNELSON   3,732
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another day

Monday, December 14, 2009

Thanks to everyone for their comments on my first blog. Heres some thoughts on me. Im now 60 years old pretty close to 61. Have been fighting this battle since I was about 15 when my mother decided that I was overweight and she had to control what I ate. I was at that time just a little overweight. I am 5 feet 4 weight about 150 but my weight became her obsession still is. it was and can be so overwhelming for me that at some pt I said fine Ill show you I will gain real weight Ill show you Ill hurt me makes no since but it was what happened so for the next 20 years I gained weighted got married had two babies really watched the weight durning pregnancies. Lost weight with both babies seemed the thing to do. After that I gained weight like crazy got up to the high 200's. Did try to diet and would lose but gain back all the time. About 20 years ago I went to OA this worked well for me lost 150 lbs back down to 150 felt good loved it. Then two things happened. I stopped smoking and husband and mother started with cant you just lose that last 25 lbs. Again I felt like my weight made me a bad person somehow I think they both felt like they were helping but I felt like they were trying to controlme again. So here I am I was up to 363 by the time I figured out that I was only hurting Becky and now Im a seinor citizen and if I ever hope to get back down to the 100's I better get busy, Im only wasting my life not hurting anyone else . Two years ago I started and lost 75 lbs however not fast enough for husband and Mom who want me to hurray up and get skinny again I know they care but dont understand the way they handle things doesnt help me. and I have told them it doesnt help but they keep doing it anyway what do I know they of course know me better then I know myself. So now comes what I do know that I have to ignore them and do it my way I know what works for me Ive done it a lot of times moving on for me means finding the strength to ignore the little digs and remarks about what I should do or eat and do what makes me feel good. I want to be thin but I dont want everyone making me their cause , maybe they should figure out what their own problems are and fix them and leave me alone.
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