To My Faithful Spark Family
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
I just logged in to see all of your wonderful messages and Spark goodies. You are all so wonderful and faithful, loyal friends. I am so sorry I have been out of commission. First my computer went on the fritz and they closed the public library that is close to me, so I didn't even have access to one there. I finally got the computer working, and thought I was on my way back to my Spark World, and then my 85 year old step-mom, who also has Alzhiemer's fell and fractured her left hip. She went in for surgery and the next day she had a stroke. It has been up and down with her. The rehab center where they transferred her didn't follow dr.'s orders to give her an I.V. with saline and potassium, so she dehydrated. They moved her back to the hospital and she got better so they put her back in rehab and she got a blood clot ! They moved her back to the hospital and she got better. They moved her back to the rehab facility and she started therapy, and after two weeks of physical therapy, the administrator called my dad and told him that she was not making any progress and that she just needs to go to a nursing home to live.It's only been two weeks since she got back, and she is 85 ! Plus she has only had therapy for about 6 hours total. That was to recover from the stroke,fractured hip and blood clots. What do they expect from an 85 year old ?
On top of all of that I have taken over their financial responsibilities, and I am their driver. I have to take them everywhere. Well, right now I have to take my dad everywhere. He acts like I have no other life,no family of my own, and doesn't get, or care for that matter, that I have a condition for which I should be in bed at least 6 hours a day for myself. I have completely let my self go. I am not resting, and I am not able to eat right and on time or anything. He is sucking the life right out of me! ! I don't even know why I am doing so much for him. He was never there when I was a kid. He didn't care if my siblings and I ate, had clothing or even utilities when we were kids, as long as he had money to flash around at the bar and could go and party there every weekend. I didn't even see him from Thursday to Monday on any week because he was either partying or laid up at some floosie's house. But when the money ran out he was at home with us, being what he called a "good father". WHATEVER ! ! I have gained back 11 pounds, and I am PISSED, at him and myself for letting him take such an advantage of me that I have let myself go backwards. What's more he's not even paying me for gas, and I'm going broke taking him everywhere. I live about 17 miles from him and the home is about 10 miles from him the other direction. He has had me coming and taking him there every day and then home again not to mention the other stupid places he tries to get me to take him like the auto parts store. HE DOESN'T HAVE A CAR ! Nor can he ever drive again for that matter because he is a habitual D.U.I. offender to the tune of 13 of them ! I don't understand how he is not under the jail but he's not. In 5 weeks I have used $375 in gas and that's just driving him. I am so angry at him mostly, but at myself too. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel on his wife, so I know I am in for a long haul. My sister and brother won't even take his calls so they are no help. They are as self-centered as he is. Very selfish.
Well, I have to go now to get him to take him to the hospital to see his wife. I will try to get back on here daily but at this point I don't know when. I am literally dragging a - -. Exhausted all of the time.
Thank you to all of my Spark friends and family. for keeping in touch and leaving all of the wonderful messages. I LOVE YOU ALL ! ! Talk to ya soon.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Life is a STRANGE ball of wax. We are very HAPPY you are back with us. I have missed you.
2758 days ago
I have soooo missed you. I am so glad you are back! I went thru the computer thing to and was absent for about 9 months, til I got my new computer. That was a year ago yesterday. I made me mad too because I lost so much ground without my Spark.
I am so sorry to hear about your step-mom. Sounds like the rehab is pretty lousy. I would definitely look for a better place! As a CNA is saw some pretty rotten places! Check their record with the state and see how many violations they have had. Three is the absolute limit you should accept.
As for your Dad, I have so much compassion for you. My daughter is going thru the same crisis with her Uncle. (My ex's brother) It is so hard, especially when it is someone you care about. Sherry set some limits for yourself! Set limits for him too. If you have to drive him all over make a stand that you won't take him to the store to buy booze, But: you would take him maybe to an AA meeting. Alcolism can be so messy, stressful and down right hearting. I went thru it with my father-in-law, my ex, and now his brother is going down the same awful path. It is soooo hard. Hang in there!!
You know Im here if you need someone ot talk to. I am so happy you are back. I felt really sad not to hear from you.
God Bless Sherry, and PLEASE! stay in touch.
2772 days ago
2774 days ago
God bless you and yours.
2875 days ago
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I know you are a nice person and it is hard to say no. You are a mother and mothers take care of others. Well, I don't mean to be so direct, but you need to use that famous word NO! It is very hard to say, but once it is out of your mouth you will feel a freedom that you didn't know excisted. I did it awhile back and it feels awesome. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST so that you may take care of others. You should take care of others that appreciate you and deserve your help. While you are taking care of your Dad it is only making you resent him and yourself even more. I really feel for you and wish there was an easier life for you. Just remember that taking care of YOU is not selfish!
2896 days ago
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time of it. I wish I could give some sage advice that would fix things for you with your dad, but there were an easy fix you would have found it by now. I will be thinking of you and hoping and praying things get better for you.
2910 days ago
Good to hear from you. Sorry this is happening right now. I went through a similar situation with my father about 4 years ago. My brothers and sisters moved him closer to us and I got to be the care-taker. I also gained back all the weight I had lost due to the stress. All I can do is listen and feel bad for you, which I do. But this will pass, promise. I would suggest just trying to read NSD a page or so a night. Even if you can't do anything right now, at least it is an uplifting book. I will be praying for you.
2910 days ago
Hi Sherry, we are here for you. It is so hard to know what to do in these situations, you have a soft, giving heart so it is difficult for you to say no, but my friend you can't let him take complete advantage of you, he should, at least, be helping with the cost of things!
Hang in there Sherry, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!
2911 days ago
Comment edited on: 12/2/2009 1:30:16 PM
I'm glad you have taken the time to get on Sparkpeople and blog about what is going on in your life. You have been going through a very difficult and draining period. Good for you for being angry! Anger can be a very positive thing. It frequently takes me getting very mad about something before I decide to make a change.
I'll be thinking of you. Hope you can keep on blogging!
2911 days ago
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