Monday, November 30, 2009
It all started with Thanksgiving - I really didn't do too bad with my choices, actually. I started my day with a walk, and "healthied up" some of the dishes we served. I enjoyed the turkey, cranberries, roasted fresh sweet potatoes, garlic mashed potatoes w/cauliflower, a little spoonful of apple stuffing, and jello salad. I said "no" completely to gravy, rolls and butter. I did indulge in a piece of apple pie for dessert later and some Chex mix while we played games, but that was about it. Overall I felt I did okay. Somehow I gained 4 pounds, which I figured must be mostly fluid retention, because I know I didn't eat an excess 14,000 calories.
Then "it" happened - a bridal shower I was throwing with my cousins on Saturday. This not only involved baking petite cheesecakes and banana bread, but worst of all there was a half sheet cake from Costco - white with strawberry mousse filling - my absolute favorite. And one thing I have discovered on this journey, I am a CAKE ADDICT and bakery cakes with butter cream frosting are my drug of choice. Very few people showed up at the shower, and there was still half the cake left, so I "volunteered" to take that home "for my family" (liar, liar, pants on fire...I wanted it for MYSELF!). As I left, I wasn't even a mile away and I started picking at it with my fingers in the car, and next thing you know I had downed a whole piece while I was driving home. Then I had another piece after I got home. And another after supper. What the heck? I really thought I was better than this by now. Sunday would surely be better.
Sunday morning my resolve lasted for exactly 30 minutes after I woke up, and then I pretty much had a repeat performance of Saturday. By Sunday night, the cake was gone - FINALLY!
Oh, I forgot to mention, I also have not had a good workout since last Wednesday.
So, this morning, the scale registered 6 pounds gained over the past week. I was firmly in One-derland, but now the scale says 201 - a number I never wanted to see again. Depressing, humbling, frustrating...I could go on. However, something good has come from this. Honesty - with myself. I cannot have cake in my house - I cannot be trusted with it. I confessed to my husband that bringing that cake home was completely selfish on my part and had nothing to do with thinking of him and my boys - it was a compulsive act made by an addict, and I completely sabotaged myself in the process.
So, lesson learned, and now I'm back on track. No shame, no guilt - I'm forgiving myself and looking forward, with a focus on making good choices. Protein, protein, protein. Fruits & veggies. Water. Working out. I know I can lose those 6 pounds again, so I'm not going to let them become a stumbling block that keeps me off the wagon, I'm going to use them as a stepping stone to get back onto the wagon and stay there.