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yesturday i had the most horriblist of shoichs and am still reeling from it.

Monday, November 30, 2009

i thought my son ayman who has just turned one was dead.thanks be to god he wasn´t but the way i felt when i thought he was i wouldn´t wish anyone to go through it.in the past there have been times when we thought he might die,which was always frightening and scary but there was still the hope he might make it.this time there was no hope.it is hard to describe what i felt unless you have gone through it yourself,it was like a numbness,a deep pit you were falling into that you couldn´t stop if you tried a sort of nothingness.like something in you had died that you would never getbback.ia part of me died yesturday forever.while all this was going on in my head there was also a panic somewhere in it a long screaming no that was going unendlessly in my head but was not actually making a sound though i was shouting at the top of my voice.there was a stillness as if time had for this second stood still.i know that all this sounds contradictory and i can´t really put in to words what i am trying to say but i just had to somehow get it out and in writting in the hope that i can try and make some sense of it for myself.i know there will be somepeople out there who know exactly what i an trying to put across but can´t seem to word it right.i wish they didn´t know but i know there will be some who do.basically what i am also trying to say is don´t take for granted what you have all the little things in life,all the little troubles as well.learn to appreciate themeven embrace the troubles because it is the trouble times that make the good times look better.i always seem to have lots of worries over my kids health,will always have.that can not be changed but i now know it is better than not having the kids at all.in that short time i was also thinging what will i do now,how can i go on with my life what life have i.it is amasing what and how many things can go through your mind all at once even though there is this numbness you feel.like what is going through your mind doesn´t effect you really.maybe it is a self mechanism,all i know i am still in shock and this deadness in side will be there forever.a part of me died yesturday.hope everyone can make sense of this blog as i have decided not to look through it as i don´t want to change anything as the object was to try and orginise my thoughts and feelings.weather i will ever do that is anouther matter.bear with me any way and i am sorry if this is a blog you would have rather not read or i should have maybe not wrote.be thankful for what we have as we never know how long we will have them for.
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    Dearest sister Karima I am so sorry for this terrible experience you went through!!!Alhamdulillah that it turned out safely!!!May Allah Alkareem give you the power and patience my sister in islam emoticon
    2874 days ago
    So sorry for that horrible experience. Thank Heavens your son is okay, and your fear was short-lived.
    As you say we should make the most of every moment, good and bad

    You are in my prayers
    2875 days ago
    So glad to hear that Ayman is okay, but how sorry I am that you have to go through all of this. Just know that we are here for you. God bless you and your family - you're always in my prayers.
    Much love and hugs,
    2875 days ago
    yikes glad it turned out okay!
    2876 days ago
    Oh Karen - what a truly horrifying experience you went through. I thank you for sharing it though, so we can lend our support, prayers, and love to your family. I pray that you will all receive better health and some peace in your lives. You are a strong woman. I am so happy that Ayman pulled through.
    Take care.
    2876 days ago
    My heart hurts for you. ElhamduAllah I'm relived that that everything InshAllah is better. emoticon emoticon
    2876 days ago
    ((HUGS)) Your trauma comes through with every word. Thank God Ayman is okay. Be gentle with yourself. Take one day at a time. You are a strong, incredible woman, and those boys are lucky to have you as their Mom.
    2877 days ago
    I am sure this was a horrific event in your life. I pray the fear will pass and that a renewed strength will grow from the power of the emotions you experienced.
    Life is fleeting and like you stated we need to appreciate and be thankful for all we have. Maybe you can take these feelings and turn them into the strength you need to remain strong on the path of achieving good health and fitness.

    2878 days ago
    May Allah make all our affairs easy for us ameen
    2878 days ago
    i do know what you are describing. My middle daughter died 2 days after she was born and had to be revived through CPR. It was the scariest most devastating moment of my life and it will always be with me.

    It is in these our darkest moments that God shows His face and let's us know that He is here.

    Sometimes in my daily stressful life I sorta push God out of it. I think it is all about me and the kids and the stress they put on me. And it takes a moment like what you described to show me how fast it could all be done. To show me that he is here watching over us, protecting our everyday. It's amazing when you really take a birds eye look at it. Just think of all the times that you thought your son was almost gone. God is with you guiding you and protecting you. I hope you can find joy in the blessing instead of focusing on the what if.

    Hugs my friend,
    2879 days ago
    Your fear comes through is every word you wrote. I'm sorry your family is suffering tough health issues.
    Good thoughts and prayers are with you!
    emoticon emoticon
    2879 days ago
    Hope your son is fine. Take care and will be thinking about you and your family.

    2879 days ago
  • JEAN524
    I can only imagine the horror of what you went through yesterday and just thank God that the worst didn't happen. I'll be praying for you, for Ayman and the family. emoticon Jean
    2879 days ago
  • DOAA06
    Alhamdu li Allah that your little boy is OK. I really don't know what to write, because I know exactly what you are talking about. Sending you lots of prayers for you and your family. emoticon
    2880 days ago
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