Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Holy Emotional Eating, Batman! While emotions don't often dictate my daily intake, when they hit me I take a rather Gollom-like approach in which I hover over my food taking bites so large they choke me. Its amazing how quickly and savagly someone can attack food in such a short period of time.
Short story of my anger: I had no idea that it would affect me so greatly nor that I was capable of the ravenous nature in which I ate. I dang near scared my own self and that's saying something..
*Digression here* Long story of said pissiness: I made a mistake thinking that I didn't work my second job until tonight, only to have a call by the restaurant manager at 7 p.m. asking where I was. Despite only being open until 10, he made me come in without checking on any another alternative, knowing I was STARVING and trying to put dinner on the table for my family and that I would make below minimum wage. So I got there at 7:30 (an hour late) and sold only $116 in food over the next 2.5 hours plus spent another 90 minutes cleaning up the restaurant. 4 hours = $14...oh, plus the $2.14 per hour we get as waitresses. The ironic thing is that the *reason* he called me to was because he was petrified something had happened to me....He mentioned that in 3 years I had never been late and had never called in (actually, I have one time).
I admit, I had been hungry all day and was ALMOST done with dinner where I felt like I could eat and then be done for the day...but suddenly, my fury at the call led me to grab a banana (good choice!) and TWO uncrustables (not the best...and should have stuck to one if I was going to eat it)....and then head to the OB where I was BORED and surrounded by homemade butter and 'extra' loaded baked potatoes. Even after I finished my potato, I was LOOKING for something else to eat. You remember those childhood images of Cookie Monster throwing cookies in his mouth until he hit cookie nirvana? Well, it was kind of like that but instead of nirvana: think LOATHING.
So now, I need to think more about this emotional eating stuff I guess. I found a huge trigger besides just exhaustion: Anger. A food Hulk I do not want to be...so I guess I need to figure out what to do about it.....sigh....