Saturday, November 21, 2009
Well, this is one of the days that I was not looking forward to. It has been 2yrs today since my first born left me for another place. I would like to believe that he is watching over me and that he is with his father and brother. I forced myself to go for my walk and to concentrate on family coming for Thanksgiving but the pain in my heart feels so unbearable at times. I keep asking why? Why them and not me? When will the pain go away or at least subside some? I want so much to be with them but at the same time I don't want to leave my other kids or grand daughter. People tell me that I am such a strong woman but I don't want to be, I want my husband and boys back!!! I know that will not happen but I still want it. They would not want me to be like they would want me to be happy. that is so hard to do when you have lost people that you cared soo much for. I know someday I will find that all elusive happiness again or I hope I do.