I hit two major milestones in my Spark journey today, so you'd think I'd be thrilled when in reality I'm feeling fearful. I broke the 200 mark and reached 25% of my total weight loss goal. I've been working out, feeling great, and not missing my old life style and eating habits. I'm not thinking of the "diet" as a hardship, just my new way of life. I think I'm in the best "healthy" state of mind that I have ever been and do feel proud of what I've accomplished to date/

Based on all of those successes, you'd think I'd be feeling confident, but I am not. I haven't been the classic yo-yo dieter, I've never really lost a tremendous amount of weight to put it back on. I just slowly kept putting weight on every year after the birth of my children. I've dieted before, tried getting back in shape before only to lose interest or fall off the wagon 2/3 weeks into the program. So now I'm at six weeks and still on the wagon and constantly worried that the fall is about to come.

Today I put on my favorite pair of pants and they looked horrible. They are too loose. Good thing, right? I should make an appointment to have them brought in, but I am fearful that if I do put the money and time into altering my clothes to fit, I'll gain the weight back and the alterations and the pants will be a waste. Maybe I just don't believe this is all going to last. Am I sabotaging myself? Is it too unbelievable to think that this is it, I am going to have the life and body that I've been dreaming/planning about? Why am I so afraid and am I the only one that feels this way?