Alright so I've had it! Yes, I'm the bad daughter, the horrible person, the evil one. I don't give a flying F**K! My mother is driving me insane and she knows it. I've kindly taken care of her for the last 9 + Years and I'll continue to do so, but I've hit rock bottom. About 2 years ago I met someone fantastic (or so I thought) but my mom decided she was going to make my life a living hell to keep me away. Before that incident, I would tell my mom if I liked someone and she'd tell me all the things wrong with that person. Like a good daughter I backed away from the person and continued life being sensible and adult-like. No one was worth my time or the attention for the most part so I didn't mind. I'll admit the people weren't the best option out there, but that was suppose to be my mistake to make. Did she let me? NO! I thought it was her just being a good mother.

Well like I said before, 2 years ago I met Erica, a girl who I started to like and was willing to meet. I'm not the best seducer in the world, let alone flirt. I don't look at most people because I never felt I was pretty enough.(Another thing I have to thank my mother for.) So, when she came along, I felt a bit relieved that it hadn't taken much work. Looking back she was more like a friend than someone I actually liked. Well, like always my mother told me all the bad stuff... i didn't listen. She went haywire. She decided to have "attacks"... her health became "worse" and she acted even "crazier".

I do know my mother is sick, and she has some kind of mental condition which causes her to switch at a moments time her moods. It was diagnosed in her country but not here and she won't go willingly to a doctor. I try to sympathize.

Anyway back to the issue. I eventually decided to let Erica go like the rest without even meeting her person to person, but something had changed. I wasn't mad because I didn't have Erica, I was mad at the situation. I started to resent my mother. At that point we became enemies. She noticed that I had changed. We constantly argued and yelled. Shortly after I became disabled and I was obligated to spend 24/7 with her.

Well skip 2 years forward. She has done so much damage to my head that it is hard to wake up some mornings and deal with the depression she caused me. Although she has always been mistreating me it never bothered me before. It all went down hill for 2 years. She called me names, told me how useless I was. Reminded me I was nothing because I could not work. Continuously hinted or right out told me that I was an accident. But what hurt the most was the many times she told me how ugly I was simply because I had a leg condition. Yes I know that it might not be true now, but it still haunts me.

I don't see myself as pretty or attractive. I don't expect true love to happen or at least not to me. I can't trust many people because I expect them to be like her.

Now that I've lost 75 lbs and gotten my legs to a semi-ok stage I'm still stuck with an issue... She's still around me 24/7. I know I'll be starting school soon and working on weekends, but the rest is still to take care of her. I just can't do it. She sucks out whatever sanity is left in me. I spend the day in blank because if I start listening to the things around me, there she'll be talking away or insulting me. When my sister finally gets home, I then have to hear her or stop whatever fight goes on between my sister and mother.

I'm a thin line away from going mad. I want to escape but can't ... or won't. She's still my mother at the end of the day and I know her health is worsening, but I'm so tired. I just want to stop being the responsible one. Ok so there's my vent for the day. Just needed to get it out!