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why is it so hard to ask for help?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

i have always had somewhat of a problem asking for help. i do most things on my own, and i've prided myself on being able to do so. but, at some point, my reluctance to ask for help has become a hindrance.

today, i was planning on going to my gym and doing strength training, and also taking advantage for the first time of their FREE personal training (since i joined the gym almost 2 years ago!) it’s not technically *personal* training, but about as close as you can get to it for free! they do groups of 4 or less, and they have different times of day dedicated to different things, like designing a plan, cardio, full body ST/circuit training, upper body, and lower body/core. i’ve always thought about going, but i’ve been shy…especially when i was at my heaviest. then, i started training for races hardcore, and i decided to just keep my head down and focus on my running, even when i was at the gym.

now that i don’t have any challenges on the immediate horizon and i’m not in training for another race, i’ve been feeling burnt out, and suffering from an overall lack of motivation. i’ve known for a few weeks now that i need to do SOMETHING to change things up and get my weightloss kick-started again…i’ve toyed with taking a class with a friend (and we’ve committed to doing this aerobic strength training class the week after thanksgiving…that should be good,) and i also started thinking about heading into the gym and talking to one of the trainers about designing a plan for myself while i’m not training hardcore for a race…but \i couldn’t bring myself to do it today!

although i have come so far on this journey of mine, and i tell my story to everyone, i guess deep down inside, i’m still a little embarrassed about trying to lose weight…and i have no idea why i feel this way. i have so much to be proud of...i've lost 43 pounds and i'm fitter than i've been in my whole life...why am i doing this to myself? as i contemplated going up to that front desk today, i started feeling all these terrible things…embarrassed, self-conscious, dumb…yuck. and honest to god, i have no idea why i couldn’t just push those negative thoughts aside and DO IT. i’ve gotten through so much worse…

i have to get it through my head that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help…that’s what SP has been for me…reaching out and asking for help…i’ve learned now through some introspection that it takes a lot more courage and strength to ask for help than to just continue on your own, floundering without direction. if there’s anything i can take away from this experience, it is that fact!

so, with you all as my witnesses, i pledge the following things:

1) I WILL drop in to that aerobic strength training class with my friend the week after thanksgiving (that’s the first open class, since there’s no class the week of thanksgiving.)

2) I WILL sign up for a personal training session at my gym!

3) I WILL be proud of myself for asking for help when i truly need it!

check in on me to make sure i’m following through friends! as always, i need you!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LLBEAN75 11/24/2009 11:13AM

    So I'm behind on blogs, clearly, but I feel the SAME way as you!

Even in group exercise classes, sometimes I'm think that people are going to look at me and just expect that I can't go as hard as they can or for as long, and if I stop to take a water break that makes sense because I'm the biggest one in there. Or that if I miss a class, clearly it's because I'm big and lazy and not because I had another engagement.

I had a huge breakdown Saturday about how I feel like everyone is judging me because I've been doing this a year and only lost 30 pounds. Matt insisted that it was all in my head and that those who judge believe that others are judging them. So if I just stop judging other people, I'll realize that not everyone is judging me like I think they are.

It still hasn't worked for me yet, but here's to hoping it helps you! You are not alone, I feel just like you. BUT the important thing is getting in there and making the change. The sooner you can make the change, the sooner you won't be the big girl and maybe you'll feel more like everyone else there.

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SPARTANJAI 11/20/2009 1:17PM

    It's hard to get the courage to admit we need help with things... especially when it's something new and different. Be proud of where you are and use the trainer as a step toward where you will be in the future! Good luck in your journey!

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TEAM-SARAH 11/20/2009 10:11AM

    I have been struggling lately too. Weight loss for me is like this fun game, a challenge. When I've got something specific to train for or work toward it's exciting and fun. Then I get distracted and forget about it when it should all be part of my lifestyle no matter what. Mostly with the eating healthy haha. I know you're gonna get all the stuff done you say you will. And I know you LOVE how you feel when you get on track and are running and being healthy. So... guess we gotta just try to DO it even when it seems impossible and we doubt ourselves. Can't wait til ya come out here, we're all gonna kick some booty and be healthy haha.

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ERMAC22 11/19/2009 10:48PM

    Dude, we are seriously twins separated at birth. I am the exact same way!! It's hard to admit that you need help or want to be something more than you are now! I just wrote a blog on this that really addresses what the issue was for me. I was totally unmotivated too - and you very well might be burnt out - I needed a new focus and starting something (strength, for me) has been so great.

Trying to change your life is HARD work, right??! Like you said, you should be SO proud of yourself and your accomplishments. And just because you ask for help doesn't make you any less of amazing, accomplished, independent woman!! emoticon

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DEBMORSE1 11/19/2009 4:13PM

    I also have a difficult time asking for help. I think it's because we have been conditioned to be caregivers. I promise you, though, that the trainer at the gym will be happy to help you. The trainer has seen people that are heavier, less coordinated, etc., etc., than you are, so there's nothing for you to be embarrassed about. In addition, helping the gym members is job security for the trainer! You're actually helping them keep their job! So step right up to the desk and sign up! I bet you'll be glad you did! Best wishes!

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KARVY09 11/19/2009 4:01PM

    You're gorgeous, and you've come so far! You should be proud of coming so far all by yourself! I understand the intimidation as well. It's one of the reasons why I joined a no frills gym, I think, subconsciously I want to avoid the training and group classes. Isn't that silly? But this next step is going to make you stronger and better. Think of how strong you will be as you start to run again!

And I will be checking in!
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STINA6584 11/19/2009 3:29PM

    girl, you are a rockstar and have absolutely nothing to be embarassed about. You are actively (and okay, maybe sometimes not so actively emoticon ) working to improve your health and your life. There are so many skinny people out there who can't say that!

That being said, I totally understand where you've coming from because I'm very similar. I pride myself on being very independent and being able to take care of myself. It can be sooo had for me to admit I need help. I feel like I'm admitting to not being good enough. I let it build and build until I snap (read my blog to hear about the meltdown I had at work yesterday).

You can do it, and I look forward to hearing all about it!

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DOLL2THEWALL 11/19/2009 3:21PM

    I am *exactly* like that. I also haven't used my free personal training at my gym (it sounds like you might also go to Planet Fitness - they have the exact same deal you described) because of the same reason. Yeah I've lost all this weight, but I'm still overweight - and I just don't want to be thought of like "omg here's this fat girl that doesn't even know where to start" even though I've already come **so** far. When those feelings creep up, I call them "my high school demons." :|

Good of you to take the pledge - I should do the same thing. Soon. ;)

-Allyn

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PINKCOCONUT 11/19/2009 3:00PM

    I know the feeling! I've been pretty unmotivated since my last race and haven't been doing anything very consistently. Lately I've been going for runs with friends because I'm unmotivated to go out on my own and that's also why I decided to take a spinning class. Something new to get my mojo back!!!

We can do it!!

And I also have those days where I'm embarrassed. But we've come too far to let that get to us!

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MANDAO97 11/19/2009 2:58PM

    I get three free personal training/wellness sessions at the gym too - they've even called to see if I had scheduled them yet and I haven't. I am intimidated by it a bit- and like you feel funny asking for help. I think I am going to finish of C25k (less than 2 weeks to go!)and my first 5k -then I to WILL schedule the sessions. I took the plunge and went to my first class on Tuesday at the gym -and it was great. You are right - you have SO MUCH to be proud of. I am looking forward to hearing how your class goes and what you get out of your training sessions!! :)

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