Thursday, November 19, 2009
i have always had somewhat of a problem asking for help. i do most things on my own, and i've prided myself on being able to do so. but, at some point, my reluctance to ask for help has become a hindrance.
today, i was planning on going to my gym and doing strength training, and also taking advantage for the first time of their FREE personal training (since i joined the gym almost 2 years ago!) it’s not technically *personal* training, but about as close as you can get to it for free! they do groups of 4 or less, and they have different times of day dedicated to different things, like designing a plan, cardio, full body ST/circuit training, upper body, and lower body/core. i’ve always thought about going, but i’ve been shy…especially when i was at my heaviest. then, i started training for races hardcore, and i decided to just keep my head down and focus on my running, even when i was at the gym.
now that i don’t have any challenges on the immediate horizon and i’m not in training for another race, i’ve been feeling burnt out, and suffering from an overall lack of motivation. i’ve known for a few weeks now that i need to do SOMETHING to change things up and get my weightloss kick-started again…i’ve toyed with taking a class with a friend (and we’ve committed to doing this aerobic strength training class the week after thanksgiving…that should be good,) and i also started thinking about heading into the gym and talking to one of the trainers about designing a plan for myself while i’m not training hardcore for a race…but \i couldn’t bring myself to do it today!
although i have come so far on this journey of mine, and i tell my story to everyone, i guess deep down inside, i’m still a little embarrassed about trying to lose weight…and i have no idea why i feel this way. i have so much to be proud of...i've lost 43 pounds and i'm fitter than i've been in my whole life...why am i doing this to myself? as i contemplated going up to that front desk today, i started feeling all these terrible things…embarrassed, self-conscious, dumb…yuck. and honest to god, i have no idea why i couldn’t just push those negative thoughts aside and DO IT. i’ve gotten through so much worse…
i have to get it through my head that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help…that’s what SP has been for me…reaching out and asking for help…i’ve learned now through some introspection that it takes a lot more courage and strength to ask for help than to just continue on your own, floundering without direction. if there’s anything i can take away from this experience, it is that fact!
so, with you all as my witnesses, i pledge the following things:
1) I WILL drop in to that aerobic strength training class with my friend the week after thanksgiving (that’s the first open class, since there’s no class the week of thanksgiving.)
2) I WILL sign up for a personal training session at my gym!
3) I WILL be proud of myself for asking for help when i truly need it!
check in on me to make sure i’m following through friends! as always, i need you!