I have been really off the wagon when it comes to keeping track of my Weight Watchers points this week. I don't think I'm overeating but I have been really slacking off on keeping track of my intake. I need to keep track so that I don't completely fall off the wagon and overeat. I'm feeling a little discouraged because I started WW on November 1 and I haven't lost a single pound. Instead, I've gained 2. I haven't been going completely over my points, but I have been eating terrible foods, like pizza and McDonald's (okay, I only ate McD's once, but I ate a LOT of pizza this month already). I was in a challenge to lose 4 pounds by Nov. 30 and there's no way I'm going to meet that challenge at this point. I'd have to lose 6 total pounds now. Argh. I guess if I didn't eat much of anything for the next two weeks I could do it but we'll see. I've already forbidden myself from eating out at all for the rest of the year.

On the positive side, I have walked a lot this week. Not as much as I could, but at least I've done it more consistently this week than I have in a long time. In addition to the walking, I try to do a little bit of strength training (squats, pushups) and more cardio other than walking (jumping jacks, various hops and jumps), plus stretching. I've also been great about getting at least 4 cups of water each day.

Maybe I shouldn't focus so much on "lose this many pounds by this date" as I should just focus on becoming more active, more fit, more aware of portion sizes, choosing healthier snacks and sides and the like. My immediate desire is to lose the 20 pounds I've put back on since my last time on Weight Watchers (honestly, 130 is the weight that makes me feel the best about myself, plus I don't have jeans that fit my current weight!), but I have to keep in mind that I am on a journey to a healthier me, in general. Losing the weight will come naturally if I keep up with the fitness changes and reorganizing my eating habits. I can't keep looking at the scale and cursing myself because it's going up instead of down. Once I start doing everything "right" it'll all come off in due time.

I want to feel good when I put on a pair of jeans, not feel like the seams are going to rip.

I want my stomach to stop looking like I'm a couple months pregnant.

I want to walk faster, I want to run faster, I want to walk/run without huffing and puffing in the first 10 minutes.

I want to build my endurance and stamina. I want to feel strong, both physically and mentally.

I want to stop eating junk food just because it's there! (this means stop bringing it into the house! I've done it before, I can do it again).

I want to get more fruits and veggies on a daily basis. This means chopping them ahead of time, portioning them into single servings for convenience, roasting a batch of veggies and creating portions for a week's worth of snacks and sides.

I think I might stop weighing myself for awhile. Looking at the scale only serves to make me feel great disappointment in myself, which leads to feeling like a failure. Focus on the things I am doing to help myself and the rest will fall into place.