An AHA moment

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An AHA moment

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Saturday, November 14, 2009

Well I had my ME day yesterday - other than clean the kitchen, I knit, knit and knit some more. It was a pretty lazy day for me and I didn't find it that enjoyable really - I felt like a lazy slug. But the day did me some good and I had a lot of time to think about this journey.

Last year I was all hyped up on my journey - this year, not so much. I've been trying to figure out why. Perhaps I am comfortable in my skin - although I would love to lose another 15 pounds but it's just not a top priority with me. Perhaps I am just getting use to maintaining and the thrill of losing is gone.

Then it hit me, a while ago I started using Facebook and began communicating with my estranged sisters more. We are not a close family (never have been) and it was nice, after years of not talking. But a lot of things (drama) happens all the time. Beyond my brother in law getting a pump installed in his heart, my niece moving to pender, my sister moving to vancouver; there are always negative underlying currents. Recently it has taken a turn for the worse with my nieces (their mothers are my sisters) fighting openly on facebook.

Last night I realized that all this negative drama has taken my focus off of me. I am putting my sisters' financial woes and stresses in the spotlight and worrying about them instead. But my worrying for them solves nothing; it only adds stress to my life and I am a stress eater. It was a light bulb moment I tell ya!

How to fix it? I am going to limit my time on facebook. I still like having the lines of communication open - I really missed my sisters - but I need to have some peace of mind time. I will still support my sisters in their journeys and be there for them but I need to refocus on my life and the life of my DH and DS's. I'm breaking free of the negative tornado that is left over from my childhood (that is still spinning out of control) - I almost got sucked back into that tornado but I'm 47 now and my inner child is NOT EVER going back in there.

It's great when one has 'AHA' moments, now let's see if I can deal with it without hurting anyone.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEAVNTHEW8BHIND 11/16/2009 4:07PM

Definitely - you need to limit the negative people in your life. Totally understand that - mine is my sister-in-law but hence I don't talk to my bro. :(

CTEMPLE 11/14/2009 5:35PM

Good idea Dear T. Sometimes we have to make hard choices, I'm sure it will be better that way. I have a difficult family too and the closer I get to them, the worse it is for me.
Too much to loose.
Claudia

KIMBEEJ16 11/14/2009 3:16PM

I can relate. When I spend time with certain people, I begin to feel kind of anxious because the have so many issues and such drama in their lives. I now try to remind myself that I can't "fix" anybody. Most people really don't want "fixin" anyway! I'm there to listen and encourage and to pray for them. Sometimes I can fill a need and sometimes I can't. I do what I can but I have learned that sometimes people have to go through "stuff" in order to learn lessons for themselves. If I'm always trying to "help" or "fix", then they learn nothing! Everyone has to have some level of personal responsibility.

I'm glad you had the "aha" moment. It is important to take care of yourself and not use the emotional turmoil others create to let you get off track.

I'm neither overly excited or unexcited by my place on this journey. I do have to think about my food choices and exercise choices on a daily basis, so it's always there in my mind, but I don't want it to consume me. I remind myself that "for life" is a very long time, so just do what I gotta do and get on with it. It seems to get easier to do this as I get closer to goal...though after where I've been I doubt I'll ever get to the point where I no longer have to think about what I am doing or where I've been. Hoping it will fade into normal daily life and take up less thought. We'll see! :)

WITCHYGODMOTHER 11/14/2009 2:12PM

Good for you to see it. We can pick our friends but family.... well, that is a whole other puddle of piggies

My best friend growing up has the same trouble with her family. I could never understand how they could not see what a wonderful lady my friend is but she had to pull away from the drama. I use to say to my DH when my ex was being difficult. "We are just fine, the problems belong to others and need to be fixed by others not us." This was not so much for him but for me to remember. Take good care of you and btw - I am on facebook too if you would like to find me you are most welcome to.
WG

JLITT62 11/14/2009 1:53PM

I am sorry that your family puts so much stress on you. I hope you find the right balance between staying in touch and not having your positivity sucked out of you!

BITTYGIRL51 11/14/2009 12:02PM

AHA! Yeah, I love those! My sister and I are both on FB but aren't "friends"...sad to say, but true. It's all about boundaries and setting "healthy" ones. If you haven't ever read any books on boundaries, get you one! You won't regret it. Coming from a very dysfunctional family myself - I know my limits. As you've probably already read in my blog, I will be traveling up North to my mother's right before the holiday. 3-4 days is my limit. I know that from past experience. After about 4 days, I get "sucked back into it all"...NADA!! My peace and contentment and the life I have built is way too important! I commend you for your insight and wisdom in recognizing this. I still haven't found you on FB, so tell me who I should be looking for...and I'll make you a friend....a positive one to offset some of the negative junk. SP is much more positive than FB, that's why I spend the majority of my online time here...both can take up alot of time, but if I'm gonna be online I wanna be with those that are gonna lift up and encourage. No different then the people you socialize with in the flesh!

JUSTYNA7 11/14/2009 11:36AM

I am very proud of you. My family or origin can suck every bit of good I have gained in SP out of me in a single "hello". We are trying... slowly. I had to plan a 50th anniversary party for my parents (a whole story in itself) and just going through photos got me suicidal at times. They don't get it. But I have this wonderful "normal" family of my own now. I have self confidence, success stories, and a pile of wonderful, healthy memories. Several times I had to pull back from the planning and "quit", breath, refocus, spend time on me. Then I could go back and do a little more. In the end it was the party my parents dreamed of. I can look back at it and realize I am stronger and more able, but those relationships are never going to be "cup fillers" for me. I got thank you cards from both my parents. They do recognize that it was a sacrifice for me to be that involved with them. They are also starting to respect my need for distance most of the time. Some quality time rather than quantity. Little dinners or coffees. But I could never do the facebook thing with them. Good luck with this. Keep looking after yourself. Put on your runners now and go for a walk for your next insightful moment!

SHYBABE5700 11/14/2009 11:25AM

It is not hard to disconnect from family drama. I did it for my survival. I had to. I was tired of the he said/she said. my therapist, help me to stop adding their stress to my life. I'm much happier now. God Luck.

SHERWOODMOMMA 11/14/2009 10:52AM

It's hard to disconnect from family drama sometimes, but it has to be done if it starts to consume your thoughts. I've had a lot of negative things happen in my family over the years, but have chosen not to be sucked into a pit of despair. You're right to focus on you! Take care and may God grant you peace...