Friday, November 13, 2009
Have you ever watched movies where the kid had a lot of friends and felt comfortable in his/her circle was forced to move to a new school. The nervousness and apprehension of having to start over again totally nerve wracking! That is where I am at right now. I have been on SP for so long yet I feel like the new kid in school. So many new faces. It really is great to see.
I have been feeling really tired lately. Not sure if it is because I am not taking care of myself like I once was...or just exhaustion. I know what I need to do. I just don't know how to start again. Do I really need to hit the wall again? And how many times do I need to hit that stupid wall before I finally get it! I did so well last time. 40 pounds down. GONE! And now, they are slowly coming back. And I cry because I don't know how to start! I don't have the time or the energy to put me first! I am angry at myself for allowing myself to get comfortable. I was loving the way I looked and that was enough to make me start backing off slowly and now completely.
I have checked out mentally on everything! EVERYTHING! My workouts stopped and I still felt ok, because I was keeping up with my food and now that is even gone. I stopped checking in on my teams because it was really just easier to checkout. When people stopped looking and checking up on me it was easier to ignore. I signed up for the BLC thinking that it was going to help me and initially it did but then all of the little things slowly started taking over. I need to be pushed. No! Let me rephrase that...I WANT TO BE PUSHED! I am asking, begging and pleading...please please please HELP ME! It is obvious to me that I can NOT do this alone. I would LOVE to lose 10 pounds by the end of the year. The stupid 10 pounds that thought I needed to have back in my life...which I don't! I am going to do my part by logging in and communicating (blogging and posting) encouraging and supporting. If you don't hear from me...LOOK FOR ME! Hunt me down! Most of you are friends with me on Facebook! I am going to freshen up my Sparkpage! I will check in on Sunday evening to let you all know how my weekend went! Oh and tonight I will take an updated picture. I want a before and after. I am refusing to let the bulge win this battle.