Sunday, November 08, 2009
As everyone who at least glances at my blogs every now and then on here knows, I deal with depression and anxiety on a day to day basis. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have not so good days and, sometimes, I have absolutely horrible days where I don't think I'll make it thru the day. Luckily, I am not someone who is prone to suicidal thoughts or fantasies or anything like that because I would fall prey to that very easily when I get so low and so down like I do sometimes. But I love to live, even if it's not enjoyable or pleasant for me a lot of the time. I still have a LOT of things in my life that I love, that I enjoy, that I want to enjoy again...things I want to do that I haven't done yet, places I want to go to. But, anyway, I'm getting off point. A while back, I found out that someone whom I thought was my friend was no longer my friend anymore. He started becoming mean and turning into someone who is not a desireable human being by any stretch of the imagination. He started showing his true colors and what he was really like, what he truly believed. Everyone knows I post what I'm doing day to day and throughout each day some times. I post how much progress I've had by posting how much weight I've lost each week. I post what I did exercise wise each day that I exercise to keep myself accountable and to keep myself motivated as well. WELL. Today, I friend at work was trying to show me something that he had posted to my Facebook page that was funny and smartass. Instead, he accidentally clicked on and opened this other person's Facebook page where I saw something that made my heart fall all the way down past my stomach and into the depths of my bowels. He had put as his status on Facebook something like this: "I rode 75 miles on my bicycle today and have lost 507 pounds! I have no money for food, so I tried to go to the local food pantry but they told me I made too much money. Wait, that's not me." I had mentioned something the other day about I didn't have any money and I was stressed out because the first place I went for a new payday loan turned me down and I didn't have enough food to make it until I got paid again at the end of this week. I had said that I might have to resort to going to the food pantry. Apparently, someone else who is on both of our friends lists on Facebook told him about my posts because he is no longer on my list because he deleted me without warning a couple weeks ago. Talk about a betrayal. And this is someone who claims he is a god-fearing Baptist and believes in the Christian god and in the Christian moral and religious tenants. I'm sorry, but what I saw today is below a poor excuse for a god-fearing and moral Christian. It's not even as good as a poor excuse for a decent human being. That was just plain foul and evil of him. I have never done anything to him or said anything wrong about him that wasn't truth, and I never said it to anyone at work where it could become gossip. I only said it on my blogs on here and to friends outside of my work and I NEVER used his name. I still won't. I refuse to be like him. I insist on being the better person. This whole thing has hurt me greatly. I already have trust issues...this just magnifies them even more for me. And that is a step BACKWARDS for me, which is NOT the direction I want to go. I want to move forward and better my life and be a better me. I want to bring light to other people's lives by doing something nice for them just for the sake of being nice. I want to "pay forward" all the nice and selfless things that have been done for me by helping others. Yea, I'm a selfish person. I will ALWAYS do for me first, but I won't stand by and watch someone suffer. I will do what I can to help the person that not only needs help, but genuinely wants it and deserves it. And I don't want them to thank me for it. I want them to accept whatever help I am able to give and to move forward with their lives as well and make better lives for themselves and to, in turn, help someone else. This is the way I was raised. And the way I believe is, NO ONE is better than anyone else. They may be better off, but that does not make them better. We are all the same. And we all forget that. And we all need to remember that...do for others as you would have them do for you.