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    BLUEEYESTATTOOS   21,795
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how to undermine someone's feelings of self-worth in 3..2.......

Sunday, November 08, 2009

As everyone who at least glances at my blogs every now and then on here knows, I deal with depression and anxiety on a day to day basis. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have not so good days and, sometimes, I have absolutely horrible days where I don't think I'll make it thru the day. Luckily, I am not someone who is prone to suicidal thoughts or fantasies or anything like that because I would fall prey to that very easily when I get so low and so down like I do sometimes. But I love to live, even if it's not enjoyable or pleasant for me a lot of the time. I still have a LOT of things in my life that I love, that I enjoy, that I want to enjoy again...things I want to do that I haven't done yet, places I want to go to. But, anyway, I'm getting off point. A while back, I found out that someone whom I thought was my friend was no longer my friend anymore. He started becoming mean and turning into someone who is not a desireable human being by any stretch of the imagination. He started showing his true colors and what he was really like, what he truly believed. Everyone knows I post what I'm doing day to day and throughout each day some times. I post how much progress I've had by posting how much weight I've lost each week. I post what I did exercise wise each day that I exercise to keep myself accountable and to keep myself motivated as well. WELL. Today, I friend at work was trying to show me something that he had posted to my Facebook page that was funny and smartass. Instead, he accidentally clicked on and opened this other person's Facebook page where I saw something that made my heart fall all the way down past my stomach and into the depths of my bowels. He had put as his status on Facebook something like this: "I rode 75 miles on my bicycle today and have lost 507 pounds! I have no money for food, so I tried to go to the local food pantry but they told me I made too much money. Wait, that's not me." I had mentioned something the other day about I didn't have any money and I was stressed out because the first place I went for a new payday loan turned me down and I didn't have enough food to make it until I got paid again at the end of this week. I had said that I might have to resort to going to the food pantry. Apparently, someone else who is on both of our friends lists on Facebook told him about my posts because he is no longer on my list because he deleted me without warning a couple weeks ago. Talk about a betrayal. And this is someone who claims he is a god-fearing Baptist and believes in the Christian god and in the Christian moral and religious tenants. I'm sorry, but what I saw today is below a poor excuse for a god-fearing and moral Christian. It's not even as good as a poor excuse for a decent human being. That was just plain foul and evil of him. I have never done anything to him or said anything wrong about him that wasn't truth, and I never said it to anyone at work where it could become gossip. I only said it on my blogs on here and to friends outside of my work and I NEVER used his name. I still won't. I refuse to be like him. I insist on being the better person. This whole thing has hurt me greatly. I already have trust issues...this just magnifies them even more for me. And that is a step BACKWARDS for me, which is NOT the direction I want to go. I want to move forward and better my life and be a better me. I want to bring light to other people's lives by doing something nice for them just for the sake of being nice. I want to "pay forward" all the nice and selfless things that have been done for me by helping others. Yea, I'm a selfish person. I will ALWAYS do for me first, but I won't stand by and watch someone suffer. I will do what I can to help the person that not only needs help, but genuinely wants it and deserves it. And I don't want them to thank me for it. I want them to accept whatever help I am able to give and to move forward with their lives as well and make better lives for themselves and to, in turn, help someone else. This is the way I was raised. And the way I believe is, NO ONE is better than anyone else. They may be better off, but that does not make them better. We are all the same. And we all forget that. And we all need to remember that...do for others as you would have them do for you.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSTINLOVE1226 11/11/2009 12:53PM

    OMG WHAT AN A$$ HOLE!!!!!!! SARA!!!! MAN, IF I LIVED NEAR U I WOULD FEED HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND. I HAVE KNOWN U MY WHOLE LIFE AND WOULD KICK HIM SO HARD HE WOULDN'T FIND HIS FACE.... OH THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!!!

And on a lighter note, I never realized how much u and I are alike;;;-- an excerpt from ur blog.

"I deal with depression and anxiety on a day to day basis. Sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have not so good days and, sometimes, I have absolutely horrible days where I don't think I'll make it thru the day. Luckily, I am not someone who is prone to suicidal thoughts or fantasies or anything like that because I would fall prey to that very easily when I get so low and so down like I do sometimes. But I love to live, even if it's not enjoyable or pleasant for me a lot of the time."


love u... sisters for life... jess

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SAPPHYRE 11/11/2009 8:55AM

    Had it been me I would have left the comment "no it's not you, you are a jerk" ... but that's just me being me emoticon

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BLUEEYESTATTOOS 11/9/2009 8:36PM

    Linda-I haven't lost 50 pounds, I've lost 25.

and

Mama_Bear-you brought me to giggles! thank you!!!

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MAMA_BEAR1 11/9/2009 5:28AM

    In the words of Mahatma Gandhi: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." Keep doing what you know is right, and don't worry about others. You are clearly the better person.

Blessed Be! jo emoticon

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KATELOSS2009 11/8/2009 10:43PM

    I wholeheartedly agree with Dawn - he's not worth one more nanosecond of your time. he has no right to have any impact over what you think about yourself. you were being open and honest, and he was being deceitful and mean.

and no, he's not representative of Christianity. just because someone SAYS they believe in something doesn't mean they actually do...

one of my favorite quotations of all time is from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.

his actions speak more of his beliefs than his words ever could...

but ENOUGH about him.

YOU are open. YOU are honest. YOU are consistent.

YOU keep being YOU. emoticon

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BEAMISH7 11/8/2009 10:43PM

    I, too, am sorry for your experience. The hurt that we as people inflict on each other is frightening to me sometimes. Just no excuse.

When we are baptized into Jesus we admit we are sinners and through His grace are forgiven. But Christians who walk along side of Christ are to leave their sinful ways behind. Being human, we may never succeed, but we are to try. Only God knows what is in this man's heart. His actions tell us, however, that kindness isn't.

It is unfortunate you have to see the man at work. Hold your head high and keep doing what works for you. And you may not want to hear this, but God has never let go of you even if you have given up on Him. He is there to help you through the pain and the money troubles and everything. You only need to ask Him.

Take care,
Peggy

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LINDA25427 11/8/2009 10:37PM

    Wow you lost fifty lbs that is great , please don't think he represents most christains he is wrong unfornately we have a lot of so called people that think they are christains but don't know the true meaning of how thay should behave true love and humanity is what God ask from his children for him to be proud of us ...in our daily lives what we do behind closes doors God knows . My prayers are with you and keep blogging . God bless. emoticon

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BLUEEYESTATTOOS 11/8/2009 10:33PM

    i am not Christian myself, but i do know that the vast majority of Christians follow the moral tenants and are extremely decent, giving, loving, caring, and selfless people. he is a vile human who is full of anger. he is only using me for a preverbial punching bag...but he's doing it the cowardly way. he's not doing it to my face or out in the open for me to see. he's doing it on the sly where i would have to stumble upon it like i did today or someone else would have to tell me about it. unfortunately, he is someone i have to continue to deal with and put up with until i get a car around the end of the month...he's my ride to and from work every day. as soon as i am free from that connection, he's forgotten and a part of my past that i will not allow to "haunt" me or poison me. thank you for your kind words :)

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DAWNWS1 11/8/2009 10:01PM

    I'm so sorry he did something so awful, there is just no excuse for that! Please, please, please try not to let what he did use up any more of your time or energy, it's not worth even thinking about again, he doesn't deserve that much power over you!!!! And you're right, he is a poor excuse for a Christian, please don't let him poison you against the rest of us-- most of us are worth knowing!! emoticon

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