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    JCORYCMA   15,275
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Husbands -- altogether other creatures

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Sunday, November 08, 2009

If you were to ask my husband to name a few of the highlights in his life, he would be most likely to mention 2 things:
The first being that football tackle he made in high school -- you know the one. The one that almost won the game that time.
The second would be the after effects of the first time he tried Kashi. "Man Honey, you had to be there. Cory family record"! Somehow, I feel grateful I wasn't there...
If you continue to stare at him long enough, he might be pressed to add "Oh yeah, the birth of my kids and of course when I married Joanne".

I don't tell you about these things to make my husband sound like an insensitive fool. When it comes to foot in mouth, he has no trouble with that on his own. He's a male. That being said, I'm not trying to bash the whole male population either. But the species male are different creatures from the species female -- ask any woman who co-habitates with one.

It is said that when she becomes pregnant, a woman starts eating for two. I actually think that starts when she first moves into the same living space with a husband or male significant other. He's in the mood for pizza and beer. You go eat pizza and beer. He doesn't like eggs -- you can't remember the last time you had a slice of quiche. The freezer that used to hold frozen blueberries and frozen yogurt now houses buffalo wings and fudgesicles.

When you do start having kids the "eating for" number increases. I found myself eating for five. I think my oldest son's first word was "McDonalds"! My middle child refused to eat anything that touched an onion. My daughter, the sweet child, the compliant child, inherited her father's love of chocolate.

I figured out early on that being the parent -- the adult, by rights gave me some control over the content of my children's diet. I strived to strike a balance and cater to some tastes while encouraging healthy choices. That lasted until the teen years when a driver's license and an after school job bought them more freedom of choice.
But the husband. That was a different story. First there is the whole king of the castle thing. Isn't the home a man's sanctuary. The place where he can kick off his shoes and enjoy life. Make rude bodily noises and nobody chastises him? Eat greasy popcorn and wipe his hands on his jeans -- better than the couch -- unless he yells "Honey, bring me a napkin" first?
And why not? He works hard and brings home a paycheck that pays for the groceries.

And just like a DJ scratching the record -- ERRRRRRNT the thought hit me....
Wait a minute. I work too! I not only contribute financially to the grocery cart, I put them in the cart, purchase them, load them in the car, carry them in the house, put them away, AND cook them. For the stay at home mothers and homemakers, except for the official paycheck, I bet you do all that too. That's not to say my husband won't ever go to the grocery store with me and help. He loves to go. It's his chance to make a date with his mistress--
Little Debbie. Sometimes it's easier AND cheaper to go by myself.

So I wondered. Is it easier for me to complain to my friends and Weight Watcher group that it's so hard to diet when I get no support??? To make him my ultimate excuse for not taking responsibility for my own choices? The last of my children left the nest for college and marriage so it was just my husband and me. I decided to have the heart to heart talk with him and find out really just how supportive he would be if I really made up my mind to get busy and get the weight off.
I started out with the worst thing a woman can say to her husband and get taken seriously.
"Dear, do you think I'm fat"? Appropriately he assumed that deer in the headlights look and replied that line he summoned out of his testosterone memory bank:
"It doesn't matter - I love you no matter what you weigh".
Hmm - let me restart this conversation....
My husband actually was very receptive to my plan to lose weight and get healthy. No, he wouldn't promise to always do it with me. He wasn't at that level of commitment. But at his near normal weight, he didn't need to be. He did agree to eat whatever I cooked and not complain. He agreed that joining a gym was a good idea and didn't mind eating supper a little later so I could go right after work. He even volunteered to start dinner if I had a recipe available.
True to his word, he did what he could to help. He ate at healthier restaurants with me, he kept his stash of candy bars and Little Debbie cakes in the back of the cupboard out of sight and tried not to eat them in front of me. He tried new foods willingly , although I caught him once poking around the layers of a casserole with his fork -- checking for hidden black beans.

It wasn't always easy. Change. Radical change can be difficult -- almost threatening. As I mentioned in prior blogs, when I lost weight I literally transformed myself. I got contacts, changed my hair, stopped dressing dowdy. With the new look and cute figure, the male attention paid to me increased ten fold. I didn't put two and two together until my husband started backsliding on his prior fantastic support.
The complaints started: "Chicken again? Don't we eat beef in this house anymore?" "I think you're becoming obsessional about all this weight loss stuff!" "You're spending too much time at the gym, don't you think?"
When I met one of my husbands co-workers, Scott, for the first time, he purred, "Jim, your wife is beautiful!" What does my husband say? "Joanne"? I swatted him and replied "Noooo, he means YOUR OTHER WIFE apparently". Later, in an attempt to smooth the damage, my husband admitted to a certain jealousy. Something he had NEVER been prone to. Never needed to. Oh for goodness sake, I told him. Get a grip! Scott is married -- to Michael!
Finally he admitted the whole idea of a thin, pretty wife scared the heck out of him. He didn't know quite how to cope. I reminded him that he married a young, thin, pretty woman. She just came back. Yeah, but he was young then too, and thinner, AND with hair. He worried there were Greek god looking guys at the gym on the prowl. I wasn't wearing my wedding ring because I had waited until I got to my goal and stayed there a little while before having it sized down. The jeweler had said the last time they couldn't keep changing it without thinning the band too much and risk breaking it. That un-nerved him. After reminding him that I loved him with or without a full head of hair, I invited him to join the Y with me and check it out for himself. He did and went a few times -- long enough to discover that the only Greek god look-a-likes were young enough to be our son. After 2 months of non participation, I took him back off the membership and his foray into the jealousy arena seemed to fade away.

We still have our ups and downs. I'm still changing along my road to self discovery and the psychological impact of it surprises me let alone the innocent bystander - my husband. But he's trying. I took him with me a few weeks ago to shop for a new bathing suit appropriate for swimming lessons -- my latest venture. I had to explain to him that the tannkini from Victoria's Secret that I already owned wouldn't work because the built in "miracle bra" would only serve as a flotation device and Hello! I'm suppose to swim, not float! I found a nice suit that was black with a white panel in the center of the front. Thinking the vertical lines and black sides would look slimming, I opened the dressing room door. Ta Da! What did he think?
He blurted out "You look like a penguin"! I stared at him silently for a full minute before slowly shutting the door in his face. Recovering, I hear him shout over the door, "A THIN penquin! A down right skinny penguin! A definitely HOT looking penguin -- wait do penguins get hot?"...

Yeah, he's trying...


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
THE_SILVER_OWL 2/18/2010 11:49PM

    My hubby and I both got a chuckle out of your wonderful blog! I am so glad you told me about it.


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STARBURST31 1/16/2010 6:37PM

    Thank you for sharing your awesome blog! My DH is too thin and I have the constant challenge of feeding both of us.

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NEED2DROP50 1/8/2010 7:55PM

    Had to do some searching to find this..but it was funny and touching. I like that you share so much of yourself here. I believe my husband has the same fears about me losing weight, maybe I would "lose" him too. He definitely has nothing to worry about on that front. We are working on it together, he just started running and is faster than me..won't run with me because I'm too slow..and I've been running longer than him! I love that he is doing that for me but I also get the complaints about healthy foods only in the house. I indulge in junk food but I definitely limit it now. I'm very much conscious of it and I believe he is too now that he sees how hard you have to work to combat the weight gain.

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IDAATJE 12/23/2009 11:09AM

that is so funny!

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NDEBBIEGIRL 12/11/2009 4:26AM

    Awww that's adorable!! I bet you looked amazing in that bathing suit too. He was probably unnerved by it and blurted out what a hot penguin you were. XDD

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TESTACAV 11/25/2009 1:15PM

    Awww, my fiance has those moments too!!

Keep at it hun :)

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SUGIRL06 11/25/2009 12:58PM

    What a cute blog! It sounds like he is really trying to be supportive and that is so great! Congrats on all your success and good luck with the rest of your journey!!!

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SUZY6281 11/23/2009 3:38PM

    Another awesome blog!

And you could very easily have been talking about my husband! All made from the same cloth, I'm sure.


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ELISADEL 11/23/2009 1:33AM

    lol awesome blog entry!

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_MAOMAO_ 11/19/2009 1:48AM

  Now I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!

So, he's the one that Little Debbie was cheating with? omg, did I actually say that? She's just not allowed to come back to visit me!


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BENJIROX 11/18/2009 12:37AM

    Absolutely loved this blog! Your story reached out and dragged me in. I loved the way you were able to tie in a full range of emotions - you are a great story teller!

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BLOSSYSMOM 11/12/2009 8:45PM

    ROTFLMFAO! OMG! We have the same husband.
He blurted out "You look like a penguin"! I stared at him silently for a full minute before slowly shutting the door in his face. Recovering, I hear him shout over the door, "A THIN penquin! A down right skinny penguin! A definitely HOT looking penguin -- wait do penguins get hot?"..

The above is TOTALLY a Rickism. He often trips over his words and they come back to bite him REALLY hard in the ass!

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KRITTERKEEPERS 11/12/2009 7:18PM

    Great story! I had to tell my husband after 1 short year of marriage that he was on his own for snacks. If I had to fix him a snack when he was hungry, I would end up eating it too! If I ate the way he does, (and he is not overweight) I would end up being 300 pounds! He snacks constantly in the evening, and I have learned to ignore his snacking now that we have been married 20 years.

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TELERIE 11/12/2009 6:39PM

    Lovely blog! Change can be scary for bystanders.
I'm really lucky since my darling has joined me in getting healthier and fitter. We run and work out at the gym together and we've lost a small person put together since starting a healthier life together. It's really brought us closer too.

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TRISHP1961 11/11/2009 8:26PM

    Thanks for the good laugh! I wish I had a husband that would come home and cook...His thought of support is to wait until 7PM for me to make dinner...

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ONMYWAYTOGOAL 11/11/2009 4:14PM

    Wonderful blog!!! You're so talented when it comes to describing life. I have to admit that I laughed out loud (at work) when you mentioned Little Debbie. My husband is sooooooo like yours! Sometimes he's in it with me and sometimes he's circling the camp. Gotta love 'em though! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and talent! emoticon

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LADY_KATHY 11/11/2009 11:33AM

    Wish mine was like yours..... LOL

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TONISTRELEC 11/11/2009 8:49AM

Ha! Ha! Ha! Fun blog don't you just lov'em

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ELENEL 11/10/2009 10:10PM

  I loved it! I'm looking forward to this come August - Penguin comment and all. Thanks for the dose of reality!

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TYANDJACKSMOM 11/10/2009 8:37PM

  yes! Got in a fight with mine today for reasons of just because he does not understand things the way I do. Why does God make us so different if he wanted us to be together forever..It is like it was God's mean joke to put us together and make us opposites.

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ZOISMOM 11/10/2009 8:14PM

    Great blog! It helps just to hear it from someone else! LOL

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GRAMVICKI 11/10/2009 7:37PM

    So very true!!

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HEALTHYIN10 11/10/2009 6:59PM

  Great blog - I can soooo relate!

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AMHFALKO 11/10/2009 6:44PM

    Great blog! You made me laugh out loud about the penguin!

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BECKTY 11/10/2009 6:28PM


I'll have to wait and see if my support wanes as I lose...but I doubt it based on responses to my oh-so-slight increased confidence.

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MANDAO97 11/10/2009 5:05PM

    I loved this blog - made me smile!

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ANUT4DISNEY 11/10/2009 4:28PM

    Okay this was my great laugh for the day.

The penguin remark just had me chuckling out loud.

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    Another smile-a-minute blog - thank you!
Jackie x

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HEALTHY_CATH 11/10/2009 2:29PM

    Thanks this is so real-life and funny. I love the line about poking around a casserole, looking for hidden black beans.

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BCQUILTER 11/10/2009 2:24PM

    Great blog! My kids call my husband the "snackmaster" - it's good to know it can be done, even with a man in the house!

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DONNA_W 11/10/2009 2:17PM

    Thanks for the blog, very funny. My husband is very supportive in many ways except he still laments that when he tried to grow beefsteak tomatoes all he got was tomatoes and no beefsteak..

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ABILUCHA 11/10/2009 1:16PM

    Hilarious! So glad to know I'm not alone!

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ABILUCHA 11/10/2009 1:16PM

    Hilarious! So glad to know I'm not alone!

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MOM2AJ-ASH 11/10/2009 1:13PM

    Thanks for sharing that. It made me smile today and helps me appreciate my husband for trying.

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NEWBIEBAIT 11/10/2009 12:54PM

    LOL, His first experience with Kashi. Mine has to remind me of his experience everytime we go into the cereal aisle.
Husbands emoticon

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TRACKRBP 11/10/2009 11:39AM

    OMG! I laughed until I cried. This blog is fantastic! emoticon

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LOVE92909 11/10/2009 10:47AM

  this was the best thing I could have read today. my husband does the same thing... especially the "you look like a penguin" thing. that's him to a T!

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SUZSNYDER 11/10/2009 8:58AM

    i loved reading this. thank you so much for sharing.. very good and so true of more then just your family. take care and keep on keeping on... suzanne

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DOTTYLADYBUG 11/10/2009 8:30AM

    I so enjoy your blogs. I laugh, I cry...

A million thank yous for sharing. I'll be looking forward to the next one. :)


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SAIDTHEFAE 11/10/2009 12:49AM

    This was a great post. I like how you remind us that even those the DH can drive us crazy, he is not preventing us from eating healthy and we can't blame them. I have a lot of the same issues with my husband, and I am always trying to figure out ways to make him eat healthier- and it just might never happen. But that doesn't mean it won't happen for me~!

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ROYALETBONE 11/9/2009 11:56PM

    Man- this was SO funny, and so right on- I had to share it...
Thanks, & yes, I agree!
Oh, look- voted most popular... awesome!

Comment edited on: 11/10/2009 12:00:35 AM

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CABINDOG 11/9/2009 9:24PM


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CHGOJMG 11/9/2009 8:46PM

    This is so true! There is a direct correlation with my gaining weight and moving in with my husband (then boyfriend). I let myself go since I was happy and he was happy. But I wasn't really happy. I finally realized I hid my true self after gaining the weight . My hubby is on board and losing weight now too, but at the beginning there was jealousy.

Thank you for the great blog!

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HEALTHY2MORROW 11/9/2009 7:39PM

    Yep, darn that Y chromosome! It starts affecting the poor guys, early. Even my 10 year old nephew, who is very ill has evidence of that Y chromosome. When my sister asked him if he understood his illness, he in typical male fashion said, no he didn't want to. If he ignored it maybe it would go away. Is that a guy, or what? Gotta love them!

But, tell me you are going to find away to "tease" him without saying a word. Like you just start wearing a penguin pin on your coat or purse. Or get a penguin magnet for fridge.


Comment edited on: 11/9/2009 7:40:36 PM

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SMIRICE 11/9/2009 6:27PM

  This is great - just read the whole thing to my mom. emoticon

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JENARAGON 11/9/2009 4:59PM

    Sooo funny, you are a terrific writer, what a funny blog!!

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