Everyone on this site is so nice and I want to thank you for all your thoughts and kind words. The way I am feeling right now is I am just waiting to die. I am sooo tired of battling for every little scrap I get. I haven't been able to find a job in over a year, I lost my husband and then my son 6 months later(day before Thanksgiving to boot), I seem to attract the guys that are jerks and get a kick out of hurting me. I know my kids have struggled and tried to be there for me but I am feeling more like a burden to them than anything else. I feel sooo alone it is unreal! My family has never cared and now is no different. I saw them(parents)this past week and my mom is still as bad. I was never supposed to be born and so it has been held against me and my Dad ever since. Even with the deaths my siblings don't even send a card instead my 1 sister sends me an email telling me to "f" off. this was the day after my husband died no less. Oh well that life right?