Today has been a roller coaster of a day. Sage had his tubes and hearing test done...my 5 min surgery turned into an hr with the tests. He screamed for 30 min after he woke up until he passed out. I am glad my grandmother came out to keep us company. The verdict was Sage failed his hearing test in one ear and passed portions of it in the other. He can hear the decibel levels needed for speech in his right ear and that as long as he had one ear that could hear some that he should be able to talk. We go back in two weeks if he fails again its back to the hospital for the ABR test..if he fails that too then "we will discuss options". Sage is at a really important stage when it comes to speech development. I called early intervention and told them what the results were and that I was going to have him evaluated after all ( I kept holding out). My grandmother took me to get a study book for my test I have in one week and that I have to pass or I can't continue my masters until I pass it. I can't afford to take a semester off even if I mentally need it. I realized I forgot to go to a drs appointment yesterday and its the second I have missed. I have been irritable with my 9 year old and I feel bad. I didn't journal my food, but I can tel you it started with biscuits and gravy..one of only 4 options at the tiny hospital for breakfast and NONE of them were healthy. Half a french fry for lunch because we got out so late and Better Cheddars for dinner. I did skip the mac n cheese the kids ate. Now I am eating cookie dough. It's total emotional eating. I spent the last hour crying over my little baby and wondering what I could have changed.If it was the high dose of antibiotics for sepsis when he was born could I have been better about the partial bed rest? If I would have had the c section when I got there instead of holding out for 12 hrs? Vaccinations? The list goes on...I know logically its not my fault, but moms always blame themselves. SO I eat my cookie dough and hope the next hearing test is a miracle.