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    JENNYLYNN45   38,542
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

Where's the Balance?

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Well, I don't know where to start. I haven't exercised in weeks. Haven't been to the gym. I'm still consuming large portions.

I was joking to my friend Christy the other day, while we were watching babies in the nursery.
I told her, "Since getting involved with Spark, I've GAINED weight!"

Inside, .......I'm not laughing.

When I try to asses things, my head sometimes starts spinning. What's different? Hmmm...let's see.

I've started home schooling. Not sure how that could affect my efforts, except, during that time is when I would try to go to the gym.

I've started cooking more. Yup. Cooking more meals as opposed to telling the kids to make some eggs or sandwiches. Mmmm...I FINALLY learned how to make quesadias. I'd tried them for years, but couldn't get them right, and then yeah, ...lots of butter in the pan...lots of cheese. I made a casserole the other night. Haven't made a casserole in years! What a time to learn how to make THOSE fattening things!

I've been spending more time with the kids in general. Every time I think I'm getting to the gym, the kids need to go to the library, or a church activity.

What's silly is, I brought in the treadmill in from the garage to at least get ten minutes on it when I could, and all it's doing is collecting dust. It has been right in the middle of everything for a month, so, my daughter folded it up to the wall. If I don't use it soon, she'll probably put it back out in the garage.
For the record, I have all KINDS of equipment on hand; yoga ball, yoga matt, two punching bags, eight pound weights, jumping rope, a fading trampoline...all fading in the sun or collecting dust.

One of the biggest things that's different that is taking up my time is Spark. It's almost funny. I spend so much time out here posting, doing blogs, responding to blogs or posts, trying to show my support to others, and clicking around on the site, that I don't end up doing anything that I should.

How silly.

After all that, I wonder. How am I supposed to take care of my kids, AND myself. Where's the balance?
I know it's an ongoing question that every mother has, ...but really. Where is my balance? How am I supposed to do this. I get so tempted to just say.......
"Forget about it. I'll try this again when both the kids are moved out."
But then I come back to the thought that my health is depending on it. And, I've done this before. Got down to 158 two years ago.

I don't know. I'm real tired and I'm sure I'm not making much sense or wording this right. I hope I'm not coming across like I'm sarcastic, or complaining. You Spark People are awesome. I just need to know how to make this work. Maybe only cooking once a week?

Anyway, my platelet donation is on Monday, which means I'll weigh myself on Sunday. I'm not looking forward to the weigh-in. I'm pretty sure I've gained more weight. I'm hoping my blood pressure isn't up. That's what got my attention this time around.

Well, we'll see. I'm not giving up. I'll figure it out. I'll learn the necessary balance. Better sooner than later though.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TENNISBARB 12/15/2009 2:01AM

    Hey Jenny Lynn, In many ways your post could have been mine too - different in some ways - but really struggling with putting things into action. I get where you are coming from.

I think by focussing on little changes - even that 10 mins on the treadmill. It's amazing how the mind rebalances when we start exercising. My treadmill time is reflect time ... and I finish more relaxed than when I started.

Glad you are here ... and thinking seriously about where you are and where you want to go ...I need to do the same.


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BESSHAILE 12/5/2009 6:42AM

    Just catching up with your blog posts - I hope you're feeling more grounded now. Switching to home schooling is a MAJOR change. Even if it is fun and interesting, it puts a tremendous load of responsibility onto your shoulders.

Here's an idea, though - why not do some of your classes, especially the ones involving memorization, while walking with your children -or even dancing. The rhythm of movement acts as a mnemonic device to help them remember better - things like multiplication tables and spelling lessons.

hope you all have the best holiday

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NANCYCA555 11/8/2009 3:56AM

    Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you've got. Any number of things could be holding you back right now. When you're ready, you'll be ready. Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. I'll just leave you with this one thing that crossed my mind yesterday. If it helps, great; if it's lame, sorry.

"Just take the first step and you're 90% of the way there."

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JUNIEKITTY 11/5/2009 3:10AM

    I think cooking can be really tricky. A lot of us are here because we really like food (more than we should) and for those of us who cook, it can be daunting because we KNOW food tastes better when it's loaded in butter, cheese, etc. This has been a big struggle for me too, and I have found one thing that helps immensely, and that is planning in advance. On Saturday morning, after breakfast, so I'm not hungry, I write down what all of the dinners are going to be for the week, so that on any given evening, I never have to think about what I'm going to make.

I often find that when I have to decide-what-I'm-going-to-make-for-d
inner-right- now-and-it-has-to-be-on-the-table-i
n-20-minutes is when I'm the most likely to throw together something that's really unhealthy.

That said...I also don't have children, so you're dealing with time and availability issues that I'm sure I can't even begin to comprehend. In any case, best of luck. I hope you find the balance that you're seeking in your life and the accompanying peace of mind.

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