Thursday, November 05, 2009
Well, I don't know where to start. I haven't exercised in weeks. Haven't been to the gym. I'm still consuming large portions.
I was joking to my friend Christy the other day, while we were watching babies in the nursery.
I told her, "Since getting involved with Spark, I've GAINED weight!"
Inside, .......I'm not laughing.
When I try to asses things, my head sometimes starts spinning. What's different? Hmmm...let's see.
I've started home schooling. Not sure how that could affect my efforts, except, during that time is when I would try to go to the gym.
I've started cooking more. Yup. Cooking more meals as opposed to telling the kids to make some eggs or sandwiches. Mmmm...I FINALLY learned how to make quesadias. I'd tried them for years, but couldn't get them right, and then yeah, ...lots of butter in the pan...lots of cheese. I made a casserole the other night. Haven't made a casserole in years! What a time to learn how to make THOSE fattening things!
I've been spending more time with the kids in general. Every time I think I'm getting to the gym, the kids need to go to the library, or a church activity.
What's silly is, I brought in the treadmill in from the garage to at least get ten minutes on it when I could, and all it's doing is collecting dust. It has been right in the middle of everything for a month, so, my daughter folded it up to the wall. If I don't use it soon, she'll probably put it back out in the garage.
For the record, I have all KINDS of equipment on hand; yoga ball, yoga matt, two punching bags, eight pound weights, jumping rope, a fading trampoline...all fading in the sun or collecting dust.
One of the biggest things that's different that is taking up my time is Spark. It's almost funny. I spend so much time out here posting, doing blogs, responding to blogs or posts, trying to show my support to others, and clicking around on the site, that I don't end up doing anything that I should.
After all that, I wonder. How am I supposed to take care of my kids, AND myself. Where's the balance?
I know it's an ongoing question that every mother has, ...but really. Where is my balance? How am I supposed to do this. I get so tempted to just say.......
"Forget about it. I'll try this again when both the kids are moved out."
But then I come back to the thought that my health is depending on it. And, I've done this before. Got down to 158 two years ago.
I don't know. I'm real tired and I'm sure I'm not making much sense or wording this right. I hope I'm not coming across like I'm sarcastic, or complaining. You Spark People are awesome. I just need to know how to make this work. Maybe only cooking once a week?
Anyway, my platelet donation is on Monday, which means I'll weigh myself on Sunday. I'm not looking forward to the weigh-in. I'm pretty sure I've gained more weight. I'm hoping my blood pressure isn't up. That's what got my attention this time around.
Well, we'll see. I'm not giving up. I'll figure it out. I'll learn the necessary balance. Better sooner than later though.