Today I met with my trainer. I have been working out with her since May. I was trying to do low squats with a weighted bar. I wasn't doing them correctly. She kept pushing my shoulder back and I would lose my balance and fall on the mats. When I finally got my shoulders back, then my feet would turn in, I just broke down because I couldn't do it. I have had two weeks off without any exercise and my level fitness has dropped...severely. However this new squat method taught me that I had been doing them wrong for over two years. It was embarassing to fall in front of everyone at the gym. I am supposed to practice them at home. The lower I get to the floor (5-8 inches) the more my lower back hurts or I feel like I am at the sticking point.

I felt terrible about the crying. The more I think about it my meltdown had more to do with not being where I want to be with the scale and now. . . with my fitness. I had a big comprehensive exam on Oct. 23. I now regret taking so much time off from exercise because I am paying the price. However, if I had failed that test I would face another semester of books and papers in addition to stressing over studying for it. I would rather pass my exam than to have kept working out and failed. There probably was a way for me to workout and study but I was stressed to the point of thinking that would be infringing upon my already short time.