"One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing material place."

EMILY DICKINSON







Everyone who knows me knows just how much I detest Halloween.

I have spent most of my conscious life trying to simply survive the day. Halloween, in my experience, is a day too many people use to excuse any and all behaviour regardless of how hurtful, selfish, or egregious, while costumes and masks create an inherent lack of accountability.

(I hate Mardi Gras, too... crime rates spike dramatically on these two days.)

However, my efforts over the years to live the day with some sense of comfort have begun to bear fruit over the last couple of years. I've discovered that there IS a true-hearted basis for the inclusion of this day in my life and in my faith... and for me, THAT makes all of the difference.

Halloween or 'All Hallows' Eve' is not a liturgical feast on the Church calendar, but the celebration has deep ties to the Liturgical Year. These three consecutive days: Halloween, All Saints Day and All Souls Day, illustrate the Communion of Saints. We begin with the Church Militant (Halloween, October 31 - those of us saints on earth, striving to get to heaven), as we move on to rejoice and honor the Church Triumphant (All Saints Day, November 1 - the saints, canonized and uncanonized in heaven), while in the midst of it all we pray for the Church Suffering (All Souls Day, November 2 - those souls who have died separated from God's love by unresolved pain in their hearts and souls). The month of November remains devoted to this act of love in acknowledgement, through prayer, of our oneness in struggle and in faith.

Halloween is the preparation for the two upcoming feasts. Although the daemonic, and witchcraft, have no place in church tradition, some macabre can be incorporated into Halloween. It is good to occasionally dwell on our impending death (yes, everyone dies at one point... even if 50 is the new 30), on the Poor Souls who have died without a sense of resolution to their lives and without an understanding of just how much God loves them, and on the sacrament of the Sick. Tied in with this theme are the saints, canonized and non-canonized (we are all saints at various points on the journey toward perfect love). What did they do in their lives that they were able to reach heaven? How can we imitate them? How can we, like these saints, prepare our souls for death at any moment?

It gives me a great sense of wonder, awe, and grace to ponder these ideas, and suddenly it all makes sense in ways it hasn't for so very many years.

My search to make some peace with the day began (as it usually does) with the loving act of a friend who didn't even know of my yearly struggles, yet sent me a reason to finally look upon the it with a new vision....





"Being a Christian is like being a jack-o-lantern.

God lifts your pumpkin self up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff – including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, envy, suspicion, rage, worry, confusion – anything that gets between you and His love.

Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for the whole world to see."





My pumpkin self is still hanging' in there...





...But most of my past month has felt a lot like this...



(I'm the little pumpkin...)


(...and my head feels A LOT like the one being carried by the horseman...)


...and it's not any one thing, it's the perfect storm of so many things... it's the infirmities of my body, it's the human frailties that cause stress in all of our lives, it's everything within me that still needs the touch of God's deep and abiding peace on my heart and soul (not to mention that October has been overwhelming on every practical level). October and November are my months to struggle... battle actually (mentally, emotionally, spiritually)... and mostly God and I win each year, but the daemons always get a little too close (I always get a little singed around the edges), and this year this is more the case than it has been for years now.

I realize I sound awfully cryptic, but to say more right now is to upset my hard won and carefully balanced peace for the moment... and I need to hold on with all my might to the peace and blessings of the last couple of days... today is the 'Church Triumphant' and I am claiming it for myself with everything I have in me.

I just wanted all of you to know that I AM HERE with you in spirit... that you are always in my prayers, and that I am rooting for YOU with every conscious act I continue to embrace toward better health and well-being, despite the struggles. I pray God's most tender touch inside your life and heart, as he scoops out all of the yucky stuff that gets between you and the love you deserve in your life... the love of self as the most perfect creation that you are, the love of others, and Perfect Love deep and abiding through all things. I pray you feel the deep, soothing, glowing warmth of that light within you, and that your own journey continues to bring to you an ever greater awareness of just how brightly you are meant to shine.

Happy Autumn & God Bless!







"If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost."
LLOYD DOUGLAS

I AM DONE living a life shaped by my fears.
I WILL live a life shaped by love of myself as God's most wonderful creation, and His unfailing love for me.
I WILL live my life as though I cannot fail; a life defined by consistency of effort; a life shaped by my passions and inspirations; finding the reasons to overcome, and find healing in, all that is keeping me from living the life I was created to live.

I AM DONE apologizing for who I am, what I want, what I need, or for my capabilities.
I WILL at every opportunity, celebrate who I am, what I want, what I need, and my capabilities.

I AM DONE living to satisfy the comfort level of others, while neglecting my own authenticity.
I WILL speak with my own authentic voice, and that voice will resonate in my choices, in my actions, and in the fruits of my effort.

I AM DONE lying to myself, and as a result lying to others.
I WILL be truthful with myself, no matter how uncomfortable or painful, knowing that the truth really will set me and those I encounter in this life, free.

I AM DONE backing off, backing away, backing down and backing into.
I WILL walk on despite conflict, walk toward in faith, walk up to with acceptance and compassion, and walk directly toward with conviction.



"Behind every self defeating behavior in your life is a lie that you are believing." RICK WARREN