Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I knew going in that this was going to be a tough month to lose weight. To be honest, my goals were more survival oriented than anything else. I am learning a lot about moderation...but putting it into practice is such a CONSTANT concern. I hope that one day I won't think, re-think, then over-think every decision with some kind of evaluation at the end of every action. Did I do well? Could I have done better? How does this compare with past habits?
I guess in some ways, its about finding the positive changes in myself without brow-beating or using excuses. That's such a fine line, isn't it?
But yesterday was my birthday. Yep. That's me...I am now officially 37 years old. I am part of a weight loss study here at our school that monitors habits and weight for 18 months. This time last year, I weighed 20 lbs. more than I do now. More importantly, I felt like utter and uber crapola. I made a valiant effort to make some changes last August, failed and then set out to bury myself in my own failures and fat.
Here I am: one year later, out of my size 14 pants. All of the size 10 pants I almost gave to Goodwill slide on easily. MIL took me to buy me a new jacket last night: also a Size 10. With those 20 pounds removed have come an onslaught of 'inches' thanks to my zeal to workout. So although I weigh 20 lbs less, I fit into clothes from the 25 pounds lost category.
And yes, I ate some very poor choices. Yes, I celebrated. But I did it in moderation: I ate Mom's homemade pot roast with hot mashed potatoes and gravy by savoring every delicious bite of it. I went out with hubby to an oriental noodle shop and ate only enough to satisfy me and spent the next two days enjoying leftovers. Last night, I headed to the movies with my family (this is a HUGE treat we can't afford but around 1x a year so it was my b-day wish) and ate the buttered popcorn - but stopped when I felt satisfied and passed a bag still 2/3 full to my hubby.
I may be a bit up in weight, but that is okay. I still have a while to go and that is okay too. I'm in less of a hurry these days as I learn more about this enigma called 'moderation'. After all, now its a lifestyle...not a 'plan'...so I am okay with that.