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Focus, focus

Monday, October 26, 2009

I am really struggling with getting back on track....I do well for 2 or 3 days, then fall off again....then get back in the groove. I KNOW I can do this, so it's really frustrating that I keep losing my focus and blowing it off. Meantime, I've gained back about 15 pounds....

I know, that I know, that I know that when I got down to my lowest weight I was dealing with a lot of inner discomfort about the attention I was getting from friendly people who always made remarks about my body when I saw them. I know they were happy for me and my success, and wanted to be supportive. But there's something deep inside me that DOESN'T WANT PEOPLE LOOKING AT MY BODY. Wonder if anyone else has that issue?

I also kept receiving comments that disturbed me == they would say, "if you lose much more weight, you'll disappear!" or "it's the vanishing woman!" or "there's just not much of you left!" These are NOT things I want to have happen. I want to be PRESENT. I want to be honored and respected for being a valuable presence. It would be different if they said things like, "you've been taking very good care of yourself!" or "you're looking healthy!" But no, I never heard that. Urgh.

Anyway, I have to get over this. I have to let go of what people say out of kind ignorance, and just worry about how I feel, inside and out. It's my body, and all that really matters is my own opinion and healthy feelings.

And, of course, now that I've gained some weight back, the comments have stopped. Which is kind of nice...but also makes me feel bad. It's so weird -- this is not just a personal issue -- it's a very social and public issue. No one seems to talk about that.

If you've read this, I'd be very interested to know, what's your experience? Is it just me?

Here's to a healthy week. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LSCHULER72 10/28/2009 5:55PM

    You hit it right on the head! Why can't the comments be things like "Wow! You look like you are really healthy!" or "What's your secret to good health?". I truly believe that people think they are paying you a compliment when they say stupid things like that. Why else would they do it? I keep meaning to make a list of witty things to say back to them, but I haven't yet.

I'm having focusing issues, too. I track well all week long and then when the weekend gets here it all goes to hell. Reading blogs like this helps me stay on track and remember I am not alone-and neither are you!!!!!

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CHERIE55 10/26/2009 3:10PM

    I have had some of these issues in the past. It does make you feel uncomfortable for awhile. I was frustrated by 2 friends when I met my goal weight, well now you can work at getting some more weight off! That hurt my feelings. My goal weight is what my Dr's think I should weigh for me. I am ok and doing good when I am at goal. I was wearing a size 8 which I have not worn since I was 18 years old and some of the 8's were getting pretty loose. Part of the problem with this may be that I am in CA right now and lots of Californian's have a distorted image ideal because of Hollywood. I have seen a lot anorexic looking people with size D boob jobs here. Kind of the Barbie doll image and that is not for me!

I think ALMMOM's idea of adding dignity to what we are doing with our statements is a really good idea.

Cherie



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KATIE2POINT0 10/26/2009 1:12PM

    I feel like people just say things like "pretty soon you're going to disappear" because they want to make sure they are not offending you in some way. It's better than "wow you look a lot better"... right? Clearly you are still a presence in their lives, some people just need to joke when they feel uncomfortable. I also think they may thing they are being just as offensive by not acknowledging at all. People who have never been over weight don't really get it. I would take it all as a compliment though... because I truly believe that is how it is meant. As far as not wanting people to look at your body, that may take some time to adjust to. But you should be proud of that body you are taking such good care of!

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ALMMOM 10/26/2009 1:07PM

    People say only what comes to there mind and is the easiest to say. You can respond to one of these "comments" with - "yes, I'm learning to take care of myself". Add dignity to what you are doing!!

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