Ok so I have been on a journey of self-accepting and it has been a bumpy road. As I've mentioned before in previous blogs (My weight loss so far is a prime example: www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
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It has not been easy to admit some of my past and how exactly I lived life, but it has come time to finally break free from my last and most painful hidden secret. I was born with Lymphedema in both legs and for the most part no one ever noticed until I reached the age of 14 when it "developed".

Back then I was in great denial because my legs were swollen yet I acted as if it was not there. Most people didn't comment on it because I was such a hard worker and never let it slow me down.

Fast-forward a few years and I was in hell. Going to the store was an embarrassing and painful (physically and emotionally) ordeal. I would get glances when I had to ride around with the little carts the store provided. People stared some more when they saw how swollen my legs truly were.
Finding pants that fit was a mission and even bathing was troublesome. To say the least I decided to just hide in the room of my house and only come out every two weeks on a Friday to pay bills.

Eventually, I had to get disabled "legally" and it was the last punch to my ego. I lived a pseudo-happy life. I would only have friends online and avoided even looking at other people. I was in a world of darkness that I hope no one ever gets to.

Finally this year I decided to stop wanting to die, and sought help. It came slowly and with the kindness of others who donated materials that cost thousands I made it back. In that I am very blessed.

Am I fully cured? No I will always have to wear bandages and pump my legs at night, but I am no longer in pain. I am free of the stares and living a semi-regular life. Am I still depressed? For the most part no, but some days I can feel it take a hold of me and I just smile. I smile because I know I am a new person and only steps away from a better person.

Well here are the pictures of what haunted me for so long and made me feel like I was a monster. Here is the last part of an emotional journey called "acceptance".

Before



Now
(I would have never been able to put these types of pants on before.


I hope this helps some people realize that life continues and we have to make the most of it.