Saturday, October 24, 2009
Hey to everyone who is going to read my blog.
To start with i'll introduce myself very simply.
I'm a 20 years "young" lady who lived previously a life of pain, suffering and
tears. I've faced so much difficulties and many situations that changed the way I
look into life, love, friendship and family!
At a young age (14) I lost my first love! Well you may say, what one knows about
love at this young age. But I know I did! When the only ones who you feel
warm & secure with, die infront of your eyes in a car accident, wouldn't
you change your mind about life? I started to believe in fate, nothing else in
our life we can change, and as a consequence I started eating to death! When
people around me started noticing the "fat" changes i blamed it on genetic!
I come from an "overweight" family, where everyone is overweight! But I knew
that I wasn't before, and although I do have the tendeacny to gain weight fast
due to this genetic factor I can still control my intake of food and avoid
being overweight. But I didn't. I felt the need for food. I wanted the security in
food. I knew that food is always there for me everytime I need it!!!
Then, fate came into play again. We moved to Australia from the
Middle - East. and again food is the only thing that doesn't change
from a country to another, right?
Not to mention, the death of two of my best friends due to various reasons.
Not to mention, the feeling of homesick.
Not to mention, the hardness in feeling as you don't belong
And the list will go on!
However, I lived another personality with people!
No one saw me ever crying "only my big teddy bear!"
No one heard me complaining or talking about anything that bothers me
I always kept it to myself. Because I felt like this is the me that No one should
know off! It is me from deep inside and if i started sharing it with someone
I may lose them and then what was the point?!
Nevertheless, I was successful at school, got top marks and graduated and
currently in my third year of my psychology degree. I choose psychology,
specifically for many reasons that I may share in another blog sometime.
University/ college was the changing step in my life! I started gaining my self.
I realised how much life could be different, the changes I could make and the
slow death I was driving my self into. I started exercising, cutting on junk food
and lost almost 15 kilos by motivation and willingness. But when I arrived at my
current weight "76 kilos", life wanted to come into play again and take
control! I lost the only and one very close friend! At that point, I realised the
truth, I realised that the way we live our life is the way it works out! I didn't
blame it on life this time, I blamed it on the bad habits my friend had,
drinking too much, smoking too much and many other problems! I realised
there is no turning back for me, I've to get my life back, I've for once to think
of what is coming ahead of me, I've to believe in myself from the deep inside and
not just fake it infront of people. I've to too many things!
And i found Sparkpeople by browsing the internet. And now I'm motivated
I want to lose the weight and look different and feel different by the time I finish
my degree. By the time I enter "Real life". By the time I feel ready
to be loved and love again.
Call me: Iwant2loseit!