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    JENNYLYNN45   38,486
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Disappointed

Friday, October 23, 2009

Yesterday I had the day off. Well, I did an overnight on Wednesday, and got home by 9AM. I did school with the kids. Clicked around on the computer. Dropped my daughter off at work. Did some errands. Did nothing around the house. Well, folded some laundry, organized my desk a bit.

I remember thinking and planning this week. I remember looking at my schedule, and thinking, "Praise the Lord! I'll have time finally to do school with the kids, and, go to the Y in the evening!"

Didn't happen.

What DID happen is this. I asked my daughter to make dinner when I got her back home. I had thawed the hamburger, and asked her to make spaghetti. So, she did. I was good. REAL good. I had fresh Romano cheese in the frig, and grated it on top, right onto my plate. I was so good, that, without thinking twice, I got another helping, bigger than the first.

The gym bag was packed, ready to go.

But I felt bloated.

Too bloated to go.

So, my kids, when dinner was done asked "Are we going to the gym?"
I told them my stomach needed to settle. So, I figured we would watch a least part of a Netflix movie, and then go once I didn't feel so bloated.
But I knew. We would be watching the whole movie.

I thought, "Why did I do THAT?! I'll start a 30 hour shift on Friday, and not have any time to go to the Y until Monday, maybe!"

Now, if someone is reading this, they might think, 'Big fat hairy deal'. Just start over again.
Maybe.
But I'm disappointed in myself. I knew better. Know better. I joined the Mindful Eating team to try to learn to think about what I'm putting in my mouth.

But other thoughts go through my head like,...
"I'm home, not at work for the evening, we should have dinner together."and..
"The kids are teenagers, soon, before I can blink, they'll be out the door, and we won't have these evenings around a meal anymore."

Well, it's Friday. I don't leave for my 30 hour shift until 3:30.

The gym bag is still packed...but....

The kids have tests and quizzes. I need to start my daughter on the computer keyboard lessons. We need to get to the library to get books for book reports. And...my son wants me to help him dress like a 'Nerd' for the harvest festival tonight. My friend Sharon, God bless her will pick my kids up.

The gym bag is packed...ready to go. I still have to pack some healthy food in my cooler to take for this shift, but...
What if I put off the library until Monday? Do the morning school, help my son PICK OUT the 'Nerd' outfit...drop my daughter off at work...then..............

Go to the gym from there? ...Then...on to work ...for 30 hours.

Longer time away from the kids.

I'm not completely comfortable with it.

They need the gym too...but...I KNOW I would feel better altogether after going.

I don't know. I'll have to pray about it.
Quick, though,...lol...yyeah...I quick conversation with God..cause....I gotta get the kids up and have them eat breakfast, and get started on the lessons. Make sure that they know what to do while I'm gone.

Anyway...I'm glad I can vent out here.

Thanks, Spark People! emoticon

Jennifer
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYCA555 10/24/2009 2:05PM

    It is SO hard to juggle work, kids, AND healthy living. Sometimes it feels as if motherhood = guilt, and there's never enough we can do for our kids. It's really good that you're being honest with yourself about your experiences of not eating as healthfully as you'd like and how it can get in the way of other important things like working out. You are a obviously a good mom and want to do the best for your children. If that is a big motivator for you, then maybe you can use that to remind yourself that by spending time in the gym and taking the time to be healthy, that you will be a happier, more energetic mother for them, and that you will be setting an example that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

Comment edited on: 10/24/2009 2:05:41 PM

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DASEEMAN 10/23/2009 7:06PM

    None of us are perfect! So quit kicking yourself. Look at the bright side. You spent time with your kids watching a movie, what a bad mom you are! LOL. Yes exercise is good but I think you kids are going to remember that you spent time with them no matter what you are doing. The others that posted had some good ideas, work in the exercise when you are working around the house doing what you normally do. The 10 minutes exercises are a great idea too! Hang in there! Never stop trying and all will be well.

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DNISEY 10/23/2009 1:24PM

    I know how it can be when everything gets you going then when it's time to do something you know you need to do it comes down to possibly making a choice.

Well, try this next time. Do something around the house. Depending on how old your kids are you can get or go online for spark people youtube and do some 10 minute exercises they have. I have some dumbells and even cleaning could be your workout depending on how you do it. Stretching while vacuuming, calf raises while washing dishes, etc... You know where I'm going.

But first of all don't beat yourself up and keep going.

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ROBERT9051 10/23/2009 10:29AM

    DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DID NOT DO, JUST FOCUS ON THINGS AHEAD OF YOU, IT WILL ALL WORKOUT AT THE END.

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ROBINSON_CMR 10/23/2009 10:27AM

    I think you're doing the right thing. Kids are important. It's important that you show them you're there for them and that you love them, even when you can't be around. Making exercise part of your routine is also important, but I keep hearing exercise is only 20% of weight loss success. So, chin up - watch what you're eating and you'll be fine. When you have more time available, work it in. Don't get down on yourself...you're only human too.

Comment edited on: 10/23/2009 10:57:21 AM

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