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A new day, a fresh start.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

I weighed myself this morning. I am still the 278 pounds I was a few weeks ago when I decided that I had put off the inevitable for too long. Considering my melt down of yesterday, I suppose I should be happy it's not more!

One thing I am learning on this journey of weight loss is that there is so much more to be learned than just staying away from the ice cream (right Moniesa? lol) or skipping the extra slice of pizza or making excuses to not go work out. That really only addresses the physical weight that needs to be shed. But what of the emotional weight, that baggage that we all carry? How does one lose that?

Yesterday I spoke of not letting the negative emotions of the day have power over me, and I firmly believe that to be true if for no other reason than I refuse to let another night's sleep be ruined by stupidity, ignorance and selfishness. But I think there is also something to be gained from harnessing the power that those negative feelings can bring about and use them in a more powerful, more positive way.

I am learning that it is possible to have friends, kindred spirits who may be a world away, look out for me like guardian angels and support me. These people, these new friends of mine are blessings that I am so grateful for having had the pleasure of stumbling across like a treasure in a second hand shop.

They are strong, they are incredible, they are beautiful, they are flawed and yet perfect, and they are so very real and in the now. The women are teachers, whether they know it or not and I am a willing student.

So I woke up today, knowing I had this new power and the strength and courage of others with me and I *am* moving on. I am a stronger person and the only one that can stop me is myself.

I'm getting my game face on and am ready for battle - nothing can stop me now!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FAIRYTERN 10/23/2009 12:36AM

    Hey Erika! This is a much more confident and together girl than I was reading a couple of days ago :-)

Sounds like you have not only gotten into the spirit but but you are believing the fact that you are in charge of you. You are right, still being the weight you were a few weeks ago in the face of all the triggers you have gone through in the meantime is a triumph! A Triumph that is harder than any to achieve...well done E!

I on the other hand have been cursing people who haven't been doing their job properly and relying on me to do it for them so MY work has had to go on the back burner :-P A frustrating day...but I headed to Step and Sculpt class and dragged my ass through it...SO....TIRED....but my little Black and White guy Kitty is giving me cuddles to make up for it and I'm listening to the rain on the skylight after a meal of Organic Paprika Liver with Pine Nuts, Garlic and Dijon (it's yummy honest)and 2 pieces of dark chocolate for dessert...

Well...keep on keepin' on Chica...what exercises are you doing...maybe we can compare? Whereabouts are you on the Island?

Ciao Bella! emoticon

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IAMHIGHLYFAVORD 10/22/2009 6:16PM

    Way to go! Have a great new beginning to your journey. What I found helpful was reading about the things I am putting in my body - carbs, fiber, vitamins and minerals. This has helped me to make wiser choices. I am far from perfection, but I am closer to achieving my goal than I was at the beginning of the year!! Hugs, Sharon emoticon emoticon

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OFORTUNA 10/22/2009 4:18PM

    This blog and the one before it were really inspiring to me - I find myself getting caught up in that emotional down-spiral when I get knocked off balance by an emotional blow. For me, there isn't even a mental process involved that I'm aware of, I just act. I'm hoping by being more intentional with everything I do, I may be able to stop that "automatic" reaction of reaching for whatever is nearby to stuff down painful emotions.

Your hopefulness today is beautiful. For every negative emotion, there is a positive that goes with it if you look for it. Even if you're hurting and discouraged, the fact that you're here and writing about it, that you recognize what's happening isn't right - those are big things! Embrace those and give yourself lots of love and credit for them.

I hope you don't mind a new visitor comment - I randomly happened across your page and saw the picture of Placebo, and I absolutely love them. emoticon

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AMYLT82 10/22/2009 4:15PM

    Some of those things are difficult if not impossible to let go. I have been working on not letting stress bother me for a long time. I don't know when I will get it mastered. The seizures that I have, which have been under control pretty well lately are stress induced. I don't think I am stopping me intention-ally. When you have been and are being treated a certain way by almost everyone for as long as you can remember, it is hard to make yourself sure that it isn't the way you shouldn't be treat-ed. I would really like to have some more in person friends. When people get to know me they seem to like me, but maybe it is my weight. I don't have a lot of friends my age. Now my sister has cirrhosis. I don't know if/when something happens to my sister, that will be about it. She is married, and the two other people my age who are friends, are married, but that is it. Family live so far away, it scares me. I am saying too much.
Your Friend, Amy emoticon

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