Sunday, October 18, 2009
Here it is Sunday again and time to blog. My "Denial is a River in Egypt" blog had such tremendous response I am still in awe. Trouble is -- how do you follow THAT up?
I asked my hubby what if I go down in Sparkpeople history known as the "One Hit Wonder"?
He wisely replied "I bet Katrina of Katrina and the Waves ala Walking on Sunshine fame is still trying to spend her millions". He is right. Even if that's the only inspiring, motivating, words that come out of my brain, I still have so many many new friends and well wishers whose lives were touched by those words and that took the time to let me know....
Thanks to everyone who responded and let me know that they are struggling right along with me. I'm not in the boat alone and to me that is priceless.
People have looked at my picture and said I am beautiful. Me? Beautiful? I've always considered myself passable, but beautiful? I guess make up and a good hair stylist can work wonders...
It amazes me. Why are we our own worst critic? It's like standing in a dressing room trying on size 2's and still feeling fat because there is a little roll of loose skin around the belly that all the crunches in the world isn't going to budge. Yet I don't feel at risk for a true eating disorder other than food addiction. My self image isn't fueled solely by my appearance, thank goodness.
This has gotten me to thinking. When I was heavy, I didn't highlight my hair. Sculpt my nails. Wear contacts. Why didn't I? Because when I was over weight I put my life on hold for the great someday when I was going to be thin. For our 25th wedding anniversary my husband wanted to fulfill our dream of taking a cruise to Alaska, but I refused to go. Please, I begged. I don't want to go on a cruise and be fat. There is so much food on a cruise I can't stand to gain anymore. He relented but said get busy...
Our 28th anniversary arrived and I had finally gotten serious enough to lose 25 lbs. and I agreed to go. A cruise! Just the two of us! After spending most of our married life busy raising three children and spending every single vacation in his hometown so the grand parents could see our kids, we were finally going on a vacation -- ALONE.
I was almost petrified. This was a romantic occasion. It required "romantic wear". To be more exact. It required sexy...
I have a habit of seeking counsel from those in the know when I have questions. So with that in mind I went to lunch with my favorite niece. My spicy, sassy niece. A curvascious, busty, blonde who exudes sexuality in a size 14. First thing she does is order pasta. I gasped -- carbs! Aren't you on a diet I asked her? "Not today" she laughed. I laid out my quandary for her. Where do I find sexy nighties in MY size? She laughed again and waving a breadstick at me said "Aunt Joanne, Aunt Joanne, haven't you been in Lane Giant lately? They have a whole selection of heifer teddies"!
Lane Bryant she told me. A teddy is...
Yeah yeah. I know what a teddy is.
Did I know that even heavy people have permission to feel sexy?, she asked.
Wow! Talk about being hit between the eyes! I couldn't help but wonder what else was I not giving myself permission to feel, do, think, until I hit that magic goal weight number on the scale?
We went on our cruise and had a great time. Yes, I felt plenty sexy in my "heifer teddy"! I've since graduated to Victoria's Secret as anyone who read my "Free Panty" blog knows. I wish I could say that I reformed my thinking that very day but as I said in "Denial" it took a push from my daughter only six or so months ago to let me permit myself to run. Now I'm putting on a bathing suit and taking the swimming lessons I always wanted to take.
Don't put your life on hold until you are at you goal. Get out there and enjoy it. Try things you always thought you couldn't do because you are heavy. If I had ran when I first longed to, I would have been at goal a lot sooner than I was. Put on a bathing suit and get in the water! Write that book, learn to play poker. Whatever. AND wear something sexy...
That's why Lane Bryant sells them!