I know its been a long time since Ive blogged. Been dealing with so much from work, family and my marathon training. This might be one of my most powerful/emotional blogs to date! Hope you have a few minutes and bring some tissues this one might get a little emotional!
For quite sometime now Ive been dealing with some issues involving my brother Mike. See 8 years ago my brother was put away for alcohol and drugs. Would you know the terrible night mare is back. About a month ago my brother was arrested for drugs. Would you know he was found with the worst one on him...CRACK COCAINE! My poor mom fell to pieces. Watching her cry endless days/nights was almost too much too handle. My dad acting so numb you dont know which one was worse. Being the only one they can lean on I had to be the toughest. I cant even tell you how hard that was. Trying to work, (teaching spin & aqua and staying positive while inside my life was falling apart was truly a test), and trying to train for a marathon feeling like why should I even bother to do this? I have other issues to deal with. Wanting to run away and hide I got through some hard times.
Coming home from visits with him crying in the car, in the house, screaming in anger..Why and how Mike can you do this to this family? Your wife? Your babies? How can you let your mom just die inside? How can you steal money from our parents to pay for this addiction? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks..... the word we all know so so well... ADDICTION!
Definition is Addiction is a persistent, compulsive dependence on a behavior or substance. The term has been partially replaced by the word dependence for substance abuse. Addiction has been extended, however, to include mood-altering behaviors or activities. Some researchers speak of two types of addictions: substance addictions (for example, alcoholism, drug abuse, and smoking); and process addictions (for example, gambling, spending, shopping, eating, and sexual activity). There is a growing recognition that many addicts, such as polydrug abusers, are addicted to more than one substance or process.
OMG.. how can I be so judgemental? how can I curse him out inside? He was not alone.... I had this terrible addiction too... except I had the FOOD ADDICTION. I would hide food and eat in my car, my room, my home. To the point where I was gonna puke! He was no different only in the sense his addiction could harm others and was illegal! He would hide the drugs/alcohol... do them in his car, his room, his home! We kinda had the same thing going on. I was hurting myself so badly to where I ballooned up to almost 300 pounds.... I was causing so much health issues being the yo-yo dieter. Telling myself and others I was gonna change I was going to loose the weight. Only to fail! What a failure as he felt. He would stop and then days would go bye and there he was repeating the whole cycle over and over again. As I talk to him on a weekly basis I tell him as I tell you... Only YOU can change only YOU can choose your path in life. You have to live for YOU and when the mind switch happens everything in life does too. So I pray Mike will have the mind switch like me and he will want to change for himself and his precious babies. Each day is a struggle. Take it one day at a time. As I do.
So in 4 days I leave for Baltimore, Maryland to set out on my biggest dream/goal ever. Running my first ever FULL MARATHON! As I get tired and want to stop whether it be Mile 21 or whatever mile it is, I think to myself this race is for my family... My brother Mike! I have to finish for me and my family!! So Lord Jesus thanks for giving me and my family the strength to get through this trying time in our lives and for keeping my strong and for the unbelievable STRENGTH!
I LOVE YOU MIKE!! Get Well Soon and Come Home Soon!