I'm so close to my goal, but I'm still not happy with my body.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
I have 18-19 pounds to go. And I still feel huge. I'm a little concerned that I'm gonna get to 120, and I'm still not gonna look like I want to. My thighs and upper arms still have a huge amount of fat on them. Seriously, my arms are like, disfigured. There's stretch marks all over them, and the skin is loose, and there's still lots of fat. My boyfriend tells me that it's not that I have MORE fat on my arms than most people, but he thinks it's just because my skin is stretched, so the skin can't hold the fat that's left up as well, so it hangs lower and looks like more. Gee, thanks. That's a MUCH better situation. At least if it's extra fat I can do something about it. I know he was trying to make me feel better about it, and that it doesn't bother him, (That man is the least superficial person I have ever met. He loved me at 120 pounds ago, and he loves me now.) but it's still embarrassing. Sigh.
I have a memory from when I was a kid. I lived with my father and stepmother for a couple of years. First off, my stepmother is insane, and just not a nice person. We didn't get along at all, so no memories of her are very happy. But she lost a lot of weight quickly back then (Not healthily. She gained it all back eventually, too), and she had a LOT of loose skin on her upper arms. And she refused to shave under her arms (She insisted that it wasn't noticeable. Oh, how wrong she was), but insisted on wearing sleeveless dresses, and her hands shook. So her arms constantly FLAPPED like wings. It was so disgusting, and so embarrassing in public.
And now I flap too! It's terrible. :(
At least I shave.